2005... The Year of Change
Ad 0:
2005-01-09 18:24:36 (UTC)

I am who I am... temporarily

I am becoming a Tony Robbins junky. He hits every nerve
that I have and he's been where I am. To make change, you
have to become disturbed...ok, I'm there. He says to get
around people who are playing life at the highest level,
and you'll become so disturbed about your condition, that
you'll move. Hence, I have to find new higher level
relationships. So, Nashville here I come!

One thing I know for sure, is I am not a multi task type
person. I'm trying to log in my day for Saturday (which
is really Sunday morning) and I've already failed my
commitment to this journal. OK, minor set back, I'll be
in the groove soon. But I know one thing, I can't type
this and listen to him at the same time.

Took down my Christmas tree today, and skipped church
too! Lori is working at the convention center, so I
watched TD Jakes, and Robert Schuller for church today.
At least I'm fed on some level. I'm torn about Hope,
because I love the music and preaching, but I've yet to
make one relationship. I want to blame them, but I know
in my heart it's me. I'll work on that!

Now, Tony has asked me to write down two things.

1.What am I unhappy about?

2.What I want nd why I want it!

Ok, number one is I'm unhappy about:

a. My relationships. Thank God I don't have kids and a
wife to drag down with me. For the first time in my life,
I have managed to pull myself away from everyone in the
world who has ever cared for me. I want it back!

b. My money situation. I can't get ahead. I don't know
what's happening except for I think God is trying to move
me in a new direction. I'm listening! I barely have $500
and I owe Lori $1000. How did this happen! I'm committed
to a career change now!

c. My relationship with God sucks. I've pulled away from
Him too! It's my fault but I pledege to fix this pronto.
I know I will need His strength to do this and I want him
to be pleased with my efforts

d. Finally, my net worth. I am worth nothing. I have
that puny house but nothing else.

Nuber two:

a. I want a woman in my life to go through this growth
change. I'm inspired when I have this encouragement.
Lori is too wounded to help me however, I know she really
cares. She needs me now too, but I'm not prepared to help
her. I pray God will send her the right man!

b. I want Net worth. I want to be retired in 15 years at
age 60. I can do this. I now have the vehicle to achieve
this and God has brought Ed back into my life. The higher
level relationship I needed, thank you God.

c. I want God to be pleased with me! I want to be able to
thank Him more and ask for less! If I'm supposed to be
His full time servant, I'll do it. But now I realize that
He couldn't use me because of my condition. 2005 will fix

d. I want new quality relationships. I think they may be
in Nashville. But until I'm fixed, I have nothing to
offer anyone else.

I've enjoyed this "purging" today. I know I'll look back
at this journal come Christmas and be pleased with my