2005-01-09 04:23:40 (UTC)

Ending on a Bad Note

I just want to say there is nothing more uncomfortable than
IM. As I sit there looking at Robert's user name staring me
in the face with no friendly pop up message. Eventually, I
just had to log off & pretend it didn't bother me. What in
the world makes me think about him so much? Probably b/c he
is in another state & the relationship potential is there,
but tricky. We had been friends for so long & he is sort of
intense. Not the best thing for a 28 year old girl who feels
about as mature as 16. I need to take a trip to his city &
try getting drunk with him. Because that ALWAYS leads to a
good time. But after not dating anyone serious for 3 years,
why do I want someone 300 miles away? Why would he send a
sweet & caring card for Christmas & then act as if he
doesn't have my name on his buddy list? The day started out
so perfect with my shopping & watching the final episodes of
Sex & the City (very sad touching finale). Well, I just
realized this is what made me think of him. The way we let
our hearts dictate our happiness & my first thought is
Robert. Someone I've never had sex with or even kissed! Good
lord, I just logged back on to AOL IM & he is still online.
Send me a message you butt munch!!!! This is humiliating. I
swear to God I would rather end up naked in a restaurant
than this. And his screen name isn't idle either. Oh screw
this. I'm just going to send him a good night message & act
like all is good. When the weather warms up I'm also going
for the trip. But he better be worth the hot & cold act.
DAMMIT! Now I'm chickening out of hitting the send on my
message. Can they see when we are trying to IM their screen
names? All right, I will pretend to send it & then I'm going
offline. As soon as I check my email for any updates from
him. Masochist much?