ABUNAI

I stab you with hot french fry!
2005-01-07 14:21:00 (UTC)

Where do I belong?

College became so...confusing when I first came. But, in
order to get out of that confusion I made myself focus on
school work and not the social part. I'm not like the other
people that are there. I may relate to some but not as many
as I would've wanted. Everyone is so diverse and different
that I can't find a common ground with anybody.
I'm so strong in my faith that I don't do the things that
people look forward to doing in college. I'm not interested
in those things and I don't really like them. The parties,
the drugs, the sex, the gossip, the drama, the smoking, the
alcohol, the stereotypical horny boy, and the stereotypical
party girl ...I know everybody isn't into these things or
like this, but it's just the general view I get from the
people I have met or live around me in the dorms and on
campus.
So, the point of all this is that I feel like an ant in the
middle of a rhino stampede. And like most ants, when
freaked out, I run around like crazy and hide in the
nearest hole. It's what I did at the beginning of college
and I know it was stupid of me and I should've been more
braver and extrovertish. But, I was stubborn and depressed.
It's why I have a habit now of staying quiet when I meet up
with the morning crew or with any other group of people
that are still new to me. I don't want what I say to offend
anybody and I don't want to say anything they'll think is
stupid. So, I keep quiet unless I know for sure I can
relate to the topic or say something without it being
entirely dumb or offensive. I want to be me but I'm afraid
to around these people. I never feel at ease with them. I
don't know why and it's really getting to me.

xox,
Jems




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