lonely guy

lonely guy
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2005-01-07 09:05:01 (UTC)


Well. i havent really updated this for a while. Not much
has really changed in my life i guess. I'm with the same
girl. We've been fighting for a while i guess. but whats
new when you're dating a pyscho? lol. Anyways. Today she
told me again that she wanted to be with me forever. Next
month will be our one year. But she said it doesnt really
matter b/c before we know it we'll be celebrating our 50th
year. sshhheeesshhh...everytime she says something like
that i get a sick feeling in my stomach. I dont really like
it. Its sad when the thought of being w/ her that long
makes me feel like throwing up :). Um....today was going
pretty good until i talked to my best friend kat. We talked
for fucking ever. It had to be 3 hours if not more. We
talked about all kinds of shit. Then my friend johnny came
over and i talked to her for like another hour or so when
he was here. Me and johnny are getting a place together
pretty soon. thats the plan atleast. We're both hopefully
getting the same job here in a couple of days. so that
would be rad. I think im going to be working 4-12 which
means i wont ever see jess b/c she goes to school until
3:15 and i wont be able to see her b/c ill work till 12 and
i wouldnt be able to come over then. Which...i dunno. i
dont really care anymore about what happens to us. We
prolly wont make it another month or so. But fuck it.
Anyways, i was talking to my friend kat and a couple of
weeks ago she was talking about how her friend jessica does
crank and wanted her to try it. I kept telling her not to
and she pretty much told me she wouldnt do it. I mean i
basically begged her not to do it. B/c i didnt want her to
fuck with that shit. I mean, i really do care about her and
i dont want her to fuck around with drugs. I guess im
protective over the ones i love :). But...yeah. She also
keeps an online journal and she writes in it and she knows
that i read it. so she was telling me that she wanted to
set up another one where she could write in it so i couldnt
read it. Which basically means that she was keeping
something for me. And i knew it. I already knew what it
fucking was before she said anything. She finally told me
that she had tried crank and shit the other day. I was so
pissed off at her, i didnt even really want to talk to her
after that. And then she went on and on about how she knew
it was going to happen and she knew i was going to hate
her. i think she almost started crying. But i could never
be an asshole to kat. so i stayed on the phone with her a
little longer and tried to talk about other shit. She told
me that she'd never do it again. but i dont know if i even
believe her. Its just really hard to keep caring for
someone when they're out doing shit like that you know?
Anyways i finally got off the phone with her after telling
her like 5 times that i didnt hate her and went to go get
ciggarettes. Well. i was already pissed off and shit and
then i got in my car and shut the door and it said it was
still ajar. I fucking slammed every door to the car and it
still said it was ajar. I figured out it was on my side b/c
the automatic seatbelt didnt slide back on my side and it
did for johnnys. So after beating the fucking out of the
part that the seat belt hooks up to the whole was up to the
gas station...i finally pulled the car over and started
kicking the fuck out of my door. You know, getting all my
anger and shit out of my system. i left a huge fucking dent
in the side of my car. but who gives a fuck b/c its a P.O.S
anyways. and the mother fucker still says that its ajar.

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