Nick's Journal
2005-01-06 03:45:02 (UTC)

Do Yo have 10 lb balls? Well catch this!

so i went to the indian buffet today with my mom. sweet
jesus talk about a valhalla of obesity. what is it about
buffets that just attract the mammoths of our culture? ha,
what indeed? so there i am rounding the corner towards the
buffet at a leisurely pace chatting with my mother as i
spot mr. obesity hurtling towards the buffet at a rate too
fast to describe. there he is dodging tables, waiters,
children, water pitchers, and awkwardly positioned chairs,
flying towards the buffet like a fat bullet from a gun. i
stopped all converation with my mother and gunned it. i
sideswiped the waiter, picked up a plate on the fly and did
a 180 towards the buffet. i juke-stepped the retarded
asian fumbling with the rice pilaf and was within grasping
distance of the first serving spoon, when i looked up....
there he was, huffing and puffing, red in the face with a
plate he must have taken from a table (actually he had, the
waiter had brought an extra plate to a table which i had
noticed on my way over, meaning that the lardass had taken
it on the way in), charing towards the buffet like it was a
un ration truck in the middle of a tsunami disaster (too
soon?). man those fat people can move when it comes to
buffets. he damn near ripped the spoon from my reach and
did this odd chortling eager snort as he heaped pork fried
rice on his plate.
man, that porker was hungry. maybe i'm mad because the fat
man out maneuvered me. or maybe i'm just rattled in
disbelief as to how a 330 lb. man can make it 100 yds in
2.5 seconds and get a plate. but anyhow.
my dad and i are the kings of making people uncomfortable
if we don't want to hang with them. some dude came to the
house today who we really didn't want to see nor cared
about. he was basically some kissup to the consulate. so
we got semi-trashed (aka wasted) before he came. so the
two of us are sitting there as he blabbers about something
(i think it was his wife) with a grin plastered across our
faces. then after a few seconds as he's still talking my
dad walks up, takes a bowling ball and yells, "catch it!"
and hurls it at the dude. the man shrieks and catches the
bowling ball. he sits there for a second realizing he just
shrieked like a bitch and that any chance of ass-kissing
has been ruined. my dad takes the ball and actually says,
"i guess you're not used to playing with balls this big."