Cowgirl_Mom

I'm baack!

Well, I'm back, not for a real full diary entry, just to
document a letter I wrote to the older of my two younger
brothers. Things went from a mole hill to a mountain and
back again on New Year's Eve at our house and apparently my
little bro is still harboring some resentment about it. I
really don't care that today he has to go to court on his
bankruptcy or that tomorrow is his birthday, this has
weighed down my heart and my head long enough. He is going
to be 27 years old tomorrow, and he needs to grow up! I
called the police New Year's Eve b/c a friend of both of my
brothers tried to leave that night and he had been drinking
heavily. I took up everyone's keys and locked them in a
safe when they arrived, but he was a smart-ass and told
everyone how he could start his vehicle without his keys.
So when he was determined to leave, I did the right thing,
I called the police.
Mind you, earlier in the evening, my brother's wife slapped
him (hmmm, didn't call anyone then), the friend got in the
brother's face that I am writing to (didn't call anyone
then), both brothers got into a yelling and shouting match
over old issues (didn't call anyone then), even when the
brother that I am writing to broke a bottle to either
threaten, harm, or otherwise be angry, I don't really know,
I didn't call the police. But, I did call the police when
Greg announced he was leaving no matter what.
The brother then comes into the house, shoots the finger,
and with a look in his eyes I have never seen before, tells
me Fuck You! and rattles on and on how stupid I was and
thanks a lot how this could put him back in jail, etc. It
would have been so easy if they would have just told me
that Greg had come into the house while I was on the phone
and crashed on the floor of my son's bedroom, I would have
dealt with the police, and all would have been well. It
all turned out well anyway, they field tested my brother
and sister in law who were outside, talked to us, found out
that my brothers had been arguing, but that all was well
and that we were okay with everyone staying, and they
weren't even going to write a report on it. But, I'm
rattling, so here's the letter I wrote to bonehead
brother. Any thoughts would be appreciated.
Ya know, brother, I have let this get to me long enough.
So now I have decided to just sit down and write.
We all did some things that night that may not have
reflected our true intelligence level. However, the fact
that you are holding this grudge or remaining angry with me
for the one phone call is getting to be rather ridiculous.
I still stand by what I did. Once that phone had been
dialed, I had no choice but to follow through. I was
protecting Greg, myself, Don, and anyone else out on the
road that night. It had NOTHING to do with you!! All you
had to do was stay in the house! You should have known
that you would have been protected. Don and I stood to
lose everything that night if Greg left.
Instead, you reacted in anger towards me, and, apparently,
still feel this way (I can only guess). The things you
said to me that night were rude, disrespectful, and
uncalled for. What’s even worse is you have yet to have
acknowledged this behavior/outburst or apologize.
It’s not that I don’t know the conditions of your
probation, that phone call was not to hurt you. I have
plenty to lose here too. If, God forbid, Greg left here
and had gotten into a situation where he and/or other
people got hurt, Don and I would lose everything we have
worked so hard to gain. If you want to hold that against
me, then that is your choice. However, I have the choice
to tell you that it would be less than intelligent to hold
a grudge against me for doing the right thing in protecting
my family.
You have some very serious issues that you are tending to
right now (bankruptcy, etc.). So I could say that to some
extent your behavior was excusable. But, I can’t. I am
tired of making excuses for your behavior or choices. I
love you, you are my brother. But the world does not
conform to your needs and wants, nor does it revolve around
you. When something goes wrong, what I seem to hear about
is how this affects you, and only you. Just because that
call would affect you negatively (maybe), it’s to hell with
me. When that phone call was about all of the negative it
would prevent as well as the positive of no one getting
hurt.
I feel as if I am getting redundant now. It’s not like I
actually expect you to read this, you probably will not.
If you will notice, I have not mentioned ANYONE ELSE IN
THIS. (Mom, Dad, Charlie, Christye, etc.) I have not, and
will not, discuss this with Mom and Dad. Charlie and I
have discussed it (that night) and agreed that this is
between you and me. I, of course, have not discussed it
with Christye. My intentions are not to pull this family
apart. They are to tell you, (I must have lost my train of
thought here and then come back) I don’t appreciate being
disrespected in my home, nor being talked to the way you
talked to me, regardless of who you are. My other
intention is to tell you, again, I love you and I wish the
best for you, but you need to pull your head out of the
sand.
There are plenty of people around who would do anything for
you (us included), but you have to communicate. Your
silence towards me tells me that once again, because you
are angry and/or hurt about some perceived wrong, you are
cutting me out of your life. Just understand, all it would
take to make this right would be some prayer and civilized
conversation. Also realize, as Charlie has loyalty to
Christye, Don feels the same for me, as well as our sons.
If at this time you (and Sara, I’m sure) still desire to
distance yourselves from us, let me know. If you are not
comfortable talking to me, there are other avenues (such as
e-mail). This way we can avoid any awkward situations with
the family.
I know the timing of this letter sucks for you, but I don’t
like harboring feelings like this, and 5 days is over my
limit. I need to be able to say that I have done my best
and now I give it to God.
So, James, and God, here it is. May one day our hearts be
healed.