Insomniacs United
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2005-01-05 08:50:46 (UTC)


I go back to school tomorrow, and at the moment I don't
even care. It's back to being invisible and hearing about
how great everyone else's lives are.

Tell me, you would think that if a person sat at your lunch
table ate nothing for lunch for three days and didn't say a
word unless spoken to, perhaps it might cross your mind
that something wasn't quite right. But no, of course not.
They don't notice. They never seem to notice me.

There were times that I just wanted to jump up in my chair
and say "Hey everyone! I'm not fucking invisible despite
what you might believe!" Well, not anymore. If they want to
ignore me, so be it.

It really doesn't matter because I have decided that from
now on I will go to the library, a computer center, or the
math center from now on. I won't have to put up with the
pain of lonliness and invisibility, which is fine with me.
I have found comfort in books in the past, I can do it

God. I hope that I am not sounding like a bitch. I really
do. I don't want to be a littly fussy bitch who complains
because no likes her and she is all alone. I will not be
her. I refuse to be her.

I was talking to a friend today, and we both agreed that it
would be so much more simple if we were back in 3rd grade
again. For one thing, we would be in the same school.
Another I would have no idea what a diet was, and how cruel
this world can be. Things would be so much easier. Well
wake up Lauren! You aren't in third grade anymore, so suck
it up and move on.

Tonight I made a lot of resolutions, even though it is past
January first. I figured that it would be easier to just
start all of my resolutions when I had to go back to
school. Well it is 2:45 in the morning and I suppose now is
as good as ever, seeing that I start my school day in
exactly 5 hours and 14 minutes. At 8:05 I will be in
Geometry. How lovely. resolutions....
*Complete all homework and study for tests.
*Skip lunch to go to library or computer center.
*practice musical instrument more.
*lose weight
* try to be more happy
*try to not be terrified of commitment or relationships.

Alright..that's all for now. It is now 2:50 and I have to
be up by do the math. Thank god for energy drinks
and Starbucks, that is all that I have to say.