playnegirl

ambrato
2005-01-02 20:50:13 (UTC)

Tonight I feel......lost.

2-Jan-05

I think Kevin thinks I知 a joke, no way to prove it but I
feel that he does. I think we were kinda getting on each
others nerves this morning....it started out jokingly about
Bradley a young kid that use to be in our guild, Kevin hates
him and feels like Bradley is an asshole, but I tried
explaining that Bradley is but 15 and very young. he is
always trying to impress me and thinks I知 so cool for
talking to him and I知 19, I guess there痴 some unwritten
rule about being over 18 and treating some one under 18 like
that matter. Bradley is always trying to impress me and the
other older people that play, he once told me something
about getting high and I told him that doing drugs was not
cool, and that if were doing them he痴 stupid and girls
don稚 find druggies attractive, I was bit more harsh than
that, but it worked I think. I was trying to explain to
Kevin that because we are older sometimes we should take a
minute out of lives to say something kind or encouraging to
those that younger and feeling awkward about the stage of
life their in right now. it wasn稚 so long ago that I felt
the same way too....Kevin asked me if I知 thought he were a
bastard and I said no, I asked him if he thought I were
being a bitch and he said yes. Sometimes I wish that I never
met him, that I never had a thought of him...that he never
entered my mind or heart.

On a much lighter note, tonight Eliot stopped by and I was
so happy to see him...yeah weird I know, but I really needed
a friendly face tonight. we walked over to starbucks and had
coffee and chatted about nothing important, on the way out
the door my scarf flew off and went floating on the wind, I
laughed cause all of sudden everything felt so light and the
heaviness I壇 been feeling all day disappeared. Eliot said I
was so beautiful when I laughed and that he loved my
smile.....that made feel so wonderful inside. I mean
nothings changes about the way I feel for him, but knowing
that someone finds me attractive is kind of awesome.




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