Lauren

random thoughts
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2005-01-02 13:23:27 (UTC)

Boredom

Today i am totally bored. I was going to invite El around
but i forgot to ask. I suppose i could phone her but i dont
really like talking on the phone to people much. I then
thought i might ask Jenny around. Jenny isnt really a close
friend but we make up random jokes together and both like
greenday so shes good to hang around with. Ive tried
talking to her on msn but i think shes busy. I mostly talk
to people on msn outside of school. Its just easier to
write things down so you have time to think of something
witty to say or so you dont say anything mean or
embarassing.
I sometimes wish I had a boyfriend. I know yesterday I said
I might be gay but when I tell people ive never had a
boyfriend, never been kissed never even been on a date they
look at me like im a total freak. The thing is although I
like girls I'd also quite like to be married to a nice man
in 15 years time. I think I'm bi.
I hope no one from my school see's this. The chances of
that happening are like 100000000:1 but I still feel a
little uncomfortable writing down some of these things. I
go to an all girls school with a mixed 6th form. I dont
think there's anyone gay bi or lesbian there with the
possible exception of mr chick whos a teacher. Maybe i'm
exaggerating a bit but i just dont know anyone gay at
school. So if anyone found out i was bi then people would
ridiculing me or taking me aside to be talked to. Gossip
spreads incredibly quickly at my school. I have enough
trouble fitting in as it is. So I'll probably wait for a
while before i come out. Maybe i wont. I dont know.


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