Maia Stefana

Misery_Freedom_Loneliness
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2005-01-02 10:23:21 (UTC)

Freezing

I ran from home for a few days... I was gone at the sea.It
didn't snow, it wasn't frozen..it was just cold.But i felt
like my soul was frozen to death.I wanted to jump into the
sea from some big rocks.The sea was black and silent.I'm a
very good swimmer,but nobody can swim forever.Still, i
didn't.I did not jump...i wanted to call my only friend
(Andra,18,f) firstly..and i told her what i want to do,
and that i will do it,if she doesn't tell me her secret.
This was on the 29th of december. She told me..she has
a tumor on her brain. 5% chances to recover.
I'm freeeezzing..in this quite oment, my body is in a
continuous decrease of temperature..i feel my bones going
thinner and thinner, my heart rotten.
So, she'll die.She's a new friend for me.But i fell
like knowing her since ever. She sufers a lot!She burns
her feet and hands so that she won't feel the pain in her
head anymore.
I presented her to my boyfriend last week..we've broke
up now. But we 3 are still friends.She keeps hiding things
fro me, but she tells everything to the boy, and i found
things from him.I feel gelous.On both of them.They act
like they were together,but they're not.She acts like she
didn't know me, because she wants to keep me out of her
problems...
Enough. My throat is frozen. my fingers cannot type
anymore.And it's so sunny outside..I'm going to paint now.
Yesterday i made a drawing with a dead guy lying.It makes
me feel sad, it makes me cry, then i feel empty.So good to
be empty...


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