the cheese drawer
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2005-01-02 00:22:37 (UTC)

I've gone and done it now...

Well mofos, i've gone and done something that most of my
good friends will say was just damn stupid, but what the
hell right?
Melissa still hasn't called and i'm done trying...but I was
talking to this other girl today on the internet...and i
called her up.
And i like her...
yeah. i know. but i can't help who i like. and i've got
so much on my mind right now that i just wanna cry(you
didn't hear that)and she's one of the few people who would
WANT me to when i was talking to them, not out of spite,
but to be the person to help me feel better afterward.
It's been a long time since i've actually cried. I haven't
cried since just before just after 7th grade. I'm in 12th
now. So almost 5 years since i've cried at all.

The reason i haven't cried is because i used them all up
when something happened during the summer after 7th grade.

My family was on its way to move to Iceland. Wow! An
exciting trip to live out of the United States. All we
were doing was visiting some family around the country
before checking in to leave. We went to all sorts of
places; Chicago, somewhere in Texas, etc. , but when we
stopped in Kentucky, a lot would change for me.

We were visiting my uncle Jose, who was my dad's older
brother. After a few days it started to rain and it went
on for days. That was when my little brother's asthma
started to act up. He had some breathing problems and we
thought it would stop there. But it didn't. His breathing
started to get extremely wheezy, so my dad took him into
the bathroom and started to run a hot shower, hoping the
steam would clear up my little brother's lungs. It
didn't. And my brother's breathing stopped. The only
thing that kept him alive was my dad and uncle giving him
CPR until the ambulance could get there. I cried out all
the tears i would need for my later years in highschool.
But all the disappointment from girls couldn't bring up ANY
tears at all.

That is also when i stopped believing in God. I mean, how
could there be a God if my dad and uncle kept my brother
alive? Where is the divine interference there? Why would
any god let my brother get to the point of near death? So
that's why i stopped believing in God.

Any feedback? Just send me a message.