What's On My Heart
The New Year
Life is good so far. Less than an hour left until the New
Year. Yup, that is right, unlike a bunch of ya'll, it's
only 11 pm here. Work was good, I guess. Steady flow of
people. That was about it. I had my "last" cigerette for
the year. Now to start on that New Year's resolution. The
one that probably won't happen. Here's one that most people
probably haven't seen.
No boyfriends!!!! None! Not for the whole year. No, I am
not going lesbian or bi, I'm just trying to stay focused on
the important things. School being the largest one at this
point. And I just realized something. I haven't said
anything about myself, have I? Well, here you go....
My name is Hannah. I am a 20-year-old (almost 21 - January
16th is the BIG day!) female student. I'm interested in
many things, probably too many. I love reading. Bookworm?
Nah, I wouldnt say that. You can tear me away from books.
I watch some t.v. Not my favorite activity, but I will
admit if there is a good horror, adventure, humorous, okay
well, any type of MOVIE being PLAYED I'll sit and not move.
But if it's on a t.v. channel, then forget it. I like to
write. That is the best way to get my feelings out. I
love....LOVE to kiss. Not like people out there care, but I
do love to kiss. Gosh, that has got to be an all-time
favorite activity. Which brings me to the sad part of this
entry....marital status. Oie, new paragraph for this one.
Can you believe that my first boyfriend was when I was 18
years old, along with my first kiss? Someone of you may be
thinking, well, if you are ugly...yeah, we can believe it.
I'm not ugly, not hot either. I'm just....I dunno how to
describe me, but not ugly that is for sure. My first
boyfriend's name was Brandon. Great guy, really, but kinda
boring. He and I didn't have anything in common outside of
our hair color...dk. brown. So, yeah, I broke up with him
after about 3 months. Then, the magic happened. And I do
mean magic. I was 19 years old when I met my first love.
No, he wasn't the hottest guy in the world, but he
definitely was in my books. He was funny, out-going,
energetic, and most importantly, a leader. He and I had so
much fun together. Whether all we did was watch a movie, or
drive around the neighborhood. We had new things to talk
about and new jokes to laugh about. His name...Andy. I
remember the first time he and I we at a party. We had been
dating for about a week. He pulled me into a room and mad
making out session. I stopped him and looked in his eyes
and said, "What are we doing?" He laughed and said, "I have
no idea." So, we did what any normal couple would do....we
kept going. I did stop him before we went into sex. I'm
not like that, I wanted him to know that. All his other
girls were with him for sex. Besides, I didn't want to have
sex with someone I really liked, cuz....I was a virgin. I
was proud of that fact and I wanted to make sure that
everything was right before I just gave myself away. Easier
said than done, but I succeeded. Andy didn't push me. He
said, "Okay." Like a true gentleman. Now, I'm not the type
of girl to fall in love within the first week of being with
a guy, but let me tell you....that was the first time I
thought, "What if I do?" LOL! I remember trying to keep
him from getting "happy." I don't think it work cuz the
only thing that came to my mind was "I wonder how really
flexible people have sex." He looked at me in agony. I
laughed so hard. I couldn't help it. He was so cute with
that "Did-you-have-to-say-that-to-me?" look. There are so
many things I could write about him, but I won't. I will
just say this...like all magic, it's only a trick. And
every trick, must come to an end. Well, this magic did.
But oh, how I loved it while it was being performed. You
see, Andy found some faults in me and I found faults in him.
Unlike his love, mine was unconditional. It was true. It
was faithful. His wasnt. He couldn't take my faults and
still love me. It may have been true love, but it sure
wasn't faithful. Why you ask? Because 6 months after he
broke up with me (and no, I dont lie either. He dumped me!)
he admitted to cheating on me. I looked at him and said,
"Okay, it's in the past. I can't change anything. I still
love you." And that is where I'm going to stop. No need to
carry on and on about a past love. But there is a reason
for the focus on school and NOT boys.
I hope everyone has a happy new year!