A Gay Boy in Portland
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2004-12-31 12:48:26 (UTC)

The Memory Remains II


Back in the old days - it was pretty damn hard for someone
my age to meet other guys who were gay as well, especially
in Medford, Oregon. So how did I manage to pull that one
off? Easily. Back then, It was all about advertising in
the newspaper.

The newspaper had a section (and I believe most still do) of
where you can place an ad for free & others can call & pay
to hear you & leave a message.

Well, I met several guys that way but only a few really had
any impact on my life. I should mention that in order to
place the ad, I had to state I was at least 18 otherwise
they wouldn't do it.

The first guy I met owned a sports card shop near my school.
He learned of my real age & though he wanted to go hot
tubbing nude with me & things like that - he acted more as a
mentor. That lasted about three weeks but something about
him just sticks in my mind. I think it was the big ass
truck he drove & the fact that he was masculine but gay. I
realized that it was possible.

Next guy I met was a soccer coach in the next county over.
He also knew my real age. He had wanted to meet up with me
several times but I would flake on him, afraid because it
would've been my first time with a man. I was 13, he was 26.
About a month of bantering back & forth, we met ... I snuck
out one night, walked to the end of my street.

His SUV pulled up, I got in. We drove a little bit, parked
in a used car parking lot that didn't have an attendant & he
proceeded to fuck my ass. And I was willing. I wanted it. I
wanted to know, to confirm what I was feeling. After he
was done, I then fucked him. To be honest, he didn't really
hurt me at all ... it was a decent size but it didn't hurt.

Anyway ... woo hoo! My first time with a man. Later in life,
the few people I've told this to said the individual took
advantage of me because he knew my true age - yet I was the
one who sought him out? Technically, he should've been a
responsible adult & turned me down. In a way I feel used,
and in another way I feel I used him. I confirmed something
I needed to feel & know. Perhaps the situation wasn't the
best but I think overall, it's part of how I developed as a

Repressing sexuality isn't right. Educating & hoping that
they make good use of what you've taught them about love,
dating, sex and etc. is. It's too bad that I couldn't have
met someone my age - to develop a friendship with, which
then could've led to a relationship & eventually the
physical expression of love. Really, that was too bad b/c I
was wanting so bad to have a boyfriend.

Growing up, my mother never dated. She vowed when she had me
that she wouldn't date b/c she didn't want men coming &
going from my life ... therefore, I really never saw what a
relationship was ... how it developed. And the idea of a
couple ... of a mom & a dad was just fiction to me. To this
day, I can't imagine life with two parents.

Over time, I learned what a relationship was about ... by
trial & error. I think everyone learns that way whether you
were raised around 'em or not. I've gotten better through
out the years but I also became very selective & distrusting
of guys (and can be still to this day - depending on the guy
& my gut feeling). (See Cont. The Memory Remains II)