lynn Rodgers

The Saga of Dreams
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2004-12-30 23:57:09 (UTC)

My written diary 4th article

Its been a while , its October 28th. I have been keeping
busy.its early morning I couldnt sleep, to much on my
mind.Terry has discovered that i keep a diary. he makes me
read it to him. I don thtinkthat is right- this is my
tortured pain and misery. I wil have to hide it
from him from now on.I bought some christmas cards, I want
to get them sent off before soemthing happens to them,
terry hates such things. i have slightly over one month
before my return ticket. Nov. 30th is the date of my return
flight. Lord only knows what is going to happen here.I am
pretty sure Terry dont even know what is going on in his
head. wish i did. My relationship with him hasnt got any
better. there is very little between us, no physical and
precious little as far as a kiss or hug goes either. the
last few days even the goodnight kiss i sometimes got has
stopped, he dont even say goodnight any more. how am I
supposed to act when i know that he doesnt want me to even
touch him.

Its been about 2 weeks since I wrote. Today is Dec 12th
2004. I married Terry on Nov 18th, scared to death and not
sure it was the right thing to do. I did it cause I still
love him. I still dont feel like I am married. someday
maybe I will. Some days are worse than others- terry has a
hard time controllinghis tongue and his temper. He seems to
get upset at me for the strangest things and at the
strangest times. I get yelleda t loudly enough for the
neighbors to hear it, and i have learned more cuss words
than i ever knew existed. I am being called stuff like
sh**head and F**king idiot. I know he can control his
temper when he wants to , as he does in the company of
others.but when we r alone , he lets me have it all. I have
gotten to where i am afriad to say or do anyhting at all. I
think that anything could trigger another verbal attack. I
will close for now, write more later.