Have I Got a Little Story For You
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2004-12-29 17:08:00 (UTC)

Here we go

No one!
No way!
Gonna stop, now - go!

Save the complaints, for a party conversation
The world is loaded,
It's lit to pop and nobody is gonna stop...
No one...
No one!
No way!
Gonna stop, now - go!

Farm people, book wavers, soul savers, love preachers
Lit to pop and nobody is gonna stop

No one, to get control of a mind like that and move on

One come a day, the water will run, no man will stand for
things that he had done
And the water will run

One come a day, the water will run, no man will stand for
things that he had done
And the water will run

And we'll run!
We'll run, oh!
Ok, go!

Gimmie that!
Gimmie that your automobile
Turn off that smokestack and that !#*@! radio
Hum along with me
Hum along with the tv
Ooo ooo ooh, ooo ooo ooo ooh, ooo ooo ooo ooo ooh,ooo ooo
oh no.
No one's gonna stop

Okay - I started my title with "Here we go..." and the
lyrics from Jane's Addiction "Stop" just came flowing
out. I haven't thought of that song in a long time.
LOL That's from my high school days. I'm an old fogey -
yes, the ripe old age of 28. Life just circles around me
and flies by. I remember driving in my car, taking a few
friends home after school, listening to my Jane's
Addiction TAPE (before CDs became big). One of my guy
friends that rode with us loved Been Caught Stealin. It
was such a pain to rewind the stupid tape in the car.

And here I am ten years later. Gosh, that's enough to
make me cry. It's ten years later and I don't know me.
That's the point of this diary. I have got to figure
myself out. "I feel the greatest gift we can give to
anybody is the gift of our honest self." That's a quote by
good ole Mr. Rogers. How can I do that though when I
don't even know my honest self.

I've gone the straight and narrow for those ten years.
Scholarships, college, sorority, married right after
college, few years later had a baby, and I have a stable
and pretty lucrative job. But we have debts out the
wazoo. And "other" stresses I won't go into for now.

Anyways, back to me. :) I think I have self esteem
problems related to weight. When I lose weight, I feel
really happy and confident. When I gain it back, I feel
like a bumbling idiot. I've never had an eating disorder -
in that I'm not anorexic or bulimic. As horrible as it
sounds, sometimes I have wished I was. Not really,
because I can't imagine the horrors people with those
disorders have to go through. But selfishly, people like
me (that struggle with their weight) sometimes glamorize
those disorders. It's just idealizing life though. Back
to reality and I know I would never, ever wish that on
someone else, much less myself.

Okay, off on a tangent there. I touched on my self esteem
issues. I am also type A and stress about EVERYTHING.
Money especially. I see a light at the end of the tunnel
in terms of money problems. But it is a few years away.
And in the meantime, we have no money for extra stuff.
Like fun outings, vacations, joining gyms, etc. And we
have no money for fixing up our house. Gosh, it needs
lots of stuff done. I wrote three pages (full sized
notebook pages) of things I'd like to do to the house.
Some are extras but some are necessities that will have to
be done before we ever sell it. I don't know how they are
all, or even some of them, are going to get done.

I guess this is enough for my first entry. I am tired of
seeing those entries with people saying - oh, blah blah
blah bye. Real short. Boring. Yes, I read too many
online diaries here. LOL I have for almost a year. I
never had the desire to start one until today. I need to
talk to myself and sort some things out. And learn about
me. So, maybe if you are interested you can learn about
me too.


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