Lalakay

Lala's Log
2004-12-29 14:31:50 (UTC)

Just getting started

Well there isn't a lot to write right now. I just woke up
late (8AM, usually I up around 4AM). I'm doing laundry and
just feel kind of happy. My ex is bringing her new fling
to the house which sucks but I have to get over her and
the hurt well do me good. I need to move on and get me
someone. All the women who want me I don't want. I give
off like no gay signals which I hate. All the straight
people at work call me things like Butch (which I'm really
not. I'm not femme or butch just in the middle) and if
they need a man to do something they ask me!! Which gets
on my nerves but if there is a pretty girl watching I just
show off and do it. I need to start talking to more gay
women. I've been out like 7 months now so I'm just a
babydyke. I need help! If my ex calls me a straight girl
one more time....Yesturday I said yep I'm a straight girl
its just easier being gay and I told my mom just for
kicks!! That shut her up...not a lot of things do. We
broke up on some what good terms but its been harder on me
than her to deal with the break up. When I end a
relationship usually I never see the person again (I mean
never!) and I live with her so of course she is going to
be there...and on top of that she was my first love. :( I
know sad right. I just want to get over her and get a new
crush. I have online dating sites I go to but they keep
sending me straight girls or I have to pay to talk to them
and being a lesbian money is low (my ex says all the
lesbians she knows are poor so...) Shes been out since
high school and I wish I was that lucky. I wish I had been
strong enough to be out. I always fantised about having a
family but the husband always died. Now I don't know what
I want. The more I think about it the more I don't want
kids...very weird because I've ALWAYS wanted to be a mom.
Its not the whole gay thing because I think gay people can
make great parents just like straight people can. Its just
me...I'm 24 and physically I can't have kids (I have a
illness that prevents me from getting pregnant). I don't
think I should have kids I'm just not settled into my life
like I think I should be and trust me the world is
populated enough with out my help :) Anyways I feel pretty
good getting some of my thoughts out...




Ad: