some other guy

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2004-12-29 11:16:44 (UTC)

fuck everything

fuckin i think im getting worse. fuckin i was perfectly
fine until i fuckin went over there today. then i got that
fuckin thrid wheel feeling again. then it kinda pissed me
off. now i want to get drunk again. im going to fuckin
snap. i am losing it. every time i think about her or see
her i get a fuckin headack. cause i cant fuckin stop
thinking about the fact that i lost her. dont get me wrong
i love hanging out with her and seeing her because im
always thinking about her. and i cant help it. its just
that i want to be with her but theres nothing i can really
do about it now with her with andrew. and im not about to
ruin that for her. shes happy right now. im just hella
depressed. i need to get fuckin drunk. are im going to
fuckin kill someone. cause like im getting to fuckin
stressed out. and things are just getting worse. i think i
should fucking see someone or get seriously drunk and
fuckin forget everything. cause honestly i think i might
be better for me to try and move on. even though i dont
want to. god i hate being in love. just leads to me
drinking heavily. god i would give anything to just forget
everything. cause i dont care about anything. fuckin maybe
i should just fucking run away and disapear. honestly
would anyone even notice me gone. if i just fuckin
disapeared off the face of the earth. i barly know who i
am anymore. and theres no point trying for the things i
want cause i never get them. and the thing that really
bothers me is the fact that latly im wishing teryn didnt
stop me from hanging my self. i could solve all of this
shit right now by just fucking picking up my knife and
ending it. but i wont. ill just go on with my fuckin life
getting even more depressed. god if you excist FUCK YOU.

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