Mrs_Goodbar28

Lyrics of a Soul
2004-12-29 07:45:15 (UTC)

Used to Love You

I guess now I'm tryin to figure out how to tell J.R. that my
feelings are fizzling away. My need for effective and
honest communication overrides his good intentions. I know
he cares about me to some extent, but he's not willing to
sacrifice when I need him to or be responsible and he's too
comfortable not knowing. I don't know if I can slow down
long enough to help him keep up with me. I realize my
knowledge overtowers his and instead of insulting him
further by making him realize how behind he is, I'd rather
just let it go...but then again, I'm not so sure how I'd
feel if I let him go. I do realize we could never have more
than the small fling we've had, but since he can't come thru
on any of his promised visits and he can't help me with my
visit to see him, I don't know whut other point there is for
us. It frustrates me that he's so oblivious to the world
and to my need to be comforted. When he calls now, I am no
longer compelled to share anything b/c he won't have any
feedback or comforting words, and most of the time he's not
listening! I can't be with someone who can't return the
favor of listening that I have more than extended to him. I
don't know whut to do with this relationship, but it's sad
b/c I find myself reluctant to tell people much about him.
And I know that I'd probly miss something, but at this
point, I can't identify whut it is. I'm also afraid that if
I end it, I'll be back to the way I was freshman year, sad
and lonely without a male companion or interest other than
the sex-hungry wolves I've managed to attract. I give up
for now, instead of telling him how pissed I am that I had
to cancel my nonrefundable ticket all b/c he wasn't handlin'
his shit. Tonite, I let the phone ring, and I'll probly do
the same thing the next couple of nites, let him see how it
feels when he takes sabatticals and then calls me with shit
to say, or maybe I'll just simmer for a few days until I can
explain it to him in a more calm manner. Well, I'm heading
off to bed...until next time, live, love, life!




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