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Date With Destiny
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2004-12-28 23:56:10 (UTC)

Wednesday April 14, 2004 - Dear false friend; the nicodemon cigarette

Dear false friend; the nicodemon cigarette,
(first installment)

In the past year, I have looked at our relationship over
the last 22 years and I have discovered a few things I need
to say to you.

I want you to know that I now understand that you tricked
me into believing that I needed you in my life. I now
realize that you conned my friends into believing that they
needed you. I was a very insecure teenager and wanted
desperately to make friends. Because my friends were
already conned into accepting you as a friend, I thought I
could blend in if I did the same thing. I now know that you
were not a real friend and you had hooked all of my peers
and me into a life of illusion. The illusion was believing
that I needed you in my life to feel happy, safe, confident
and secure.

I thought that you could help me to feel confident and
secure around others and that your friendship would help me
become more popular with my friends. I now know that this
is the illusion you projected and that this was a false
perception. Now that I have overcome my denial, I
understand that you really tasted shitty when I first
smoked you, and it took me a month just to overcome the
sick feelings I had when I smoked you. I now understand
that the false confidence I felt when I smoked you had
nothing to do with your friendship. It had more to do with
me going out and meeting people. I just used you as an
excuse to talk to people. I now realize that this is how
you got me �hooked� and addicted. You tricked me into
believing that I needed you to make friends and now I know
this was an illusion. In reality, I have never needed you
in my life to make real friendships.

My so-called friendship with you caused me to falsely
believe that I needed you in all kinds of social
situations. These included talking to someone on a first
date, going to a job interview going to a bar, driving in
my car, during stressful situations at work, writing a term
paper or report and studying for an exam. You tricked me
into believing that I could not survive these normal life
situations without your so-called friendship. My eyes are
now open and I know that YOU ARE NOT MY REAL FRIEND. Real
friends do not trick others into believing they need them.
This so called friendship became an unhealthy, co-dependent
relationship that was sucking the life energy out of me!!!

I am not the same insecure person that I was when you first
entered my life nicodemon. I now understood your tricks and
how you were really destroying my life. I am a confident,
vibrant, intelligent, outgoing human being and I don�t
need you in my life anymore to offer your brand of lies and
false friendship. It is now time for me to let you go
forever!

Asta la vista baby!!!

Gene Williams
9 days, 13 hours, 19 minutes and 45 seconds smoke free.


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