Thoughts of Me
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2004-12-28 07:10:38 (UTC)

Dwelling In Nothingness

I tell you, absolutely nothing, NOTHING, has happened since
my last entry. Nothing. I've been at home all this time,
leaving only to return a movie and buy two more. My mother
had me babysit my little sister today while she was at work.
Tomorrow should be interesting though (sarcasm is afoot) I
am venturing out of the house and ten miles east to my
grandmother's house. Perhaps I'll watch a good movie on her
extensive cable channel collection which she puts to total
waste by watching simple channels like 3 or 8. She's got
channel 500 for goodness sake.

I was forced to play dolls with my little sister. I refuse
to relive it. I REFUSE!!!!! I don't want to ask the
question that I know is coming on. I'll ask it and move
on...Where is my life? Have I lost it? Did I ever have it
to begin with?

I talked to J-Dub online again. I think he hates me.
Everytime I begin to talk to him online he has to go. He
claims it's a weird coincidence. Whatever.

I just learned today that my being here with my little
sister may be a good thing. She's only five, and has only
known me for five years. My family claims her misbehavior
in school is caused by our abrupt detachtment from each
other. Five years is all she's known me for and here I
am...trying my hardest to get as far away from this family
as humanly possible. Is this a message from God? Does he
want me to fall into the mental deficiency that is the wrath
of my family. I don't want to develop a mental illness
triggered by them. I guarantee that's what will happen.
That is what happened to the rest of the fools that are my
family. What in the world am I supposed to do?

I tell you what...when I get back to school, this diary will
become more interesting...much more interesting.