The Next Level
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2004-12-26 22:32:13 (UTC)

The Day After...

Well it's the day after Christmas 2004 and it was very
depressing. Not for the kids. They had a fabulous time
over the grandparents house. It was just not good for me.

This is the first Christmas without my daddy. Seemed to
feel full yet empty at the same time. Even with the family
over-there was that missing (no-gone) piece of the puzzle.
Can't even bring myself to do what I promised myself after
he left. To play my first classroom assignment that I can
remember: Miles Davis' "Kind of Blue". Even woke up crying
th is morning. The vital signs that the day isn't going to
go well.

And now Gene didn't even get me anything for Christmas.
First Mother's Day, Anniversary and now this. It's not
major, for now, but it still stings. Hopefully, this won't
last very long. I really need a sabatical. To get away
from everyone for a minute. Just need some time to myself.
I hope this doesn't read so selfishly.

Don't get me wrong. I truly think I did the best I could,
but I also felt like I failed this year. There's always
that chance to make the next year better. Better not waste

Just need some help.