Barb

Dusty Memories
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Ezoic
2004-12-26 13:55:44 (UTC)

'Twas the day after christmas...and all thru the house...

The only creature stirring was me...~smiles~

So I drank way too much wine last night ~small frown~
Fell asleep on the couch watching..well
something...*Hunted* I believe was the name of it. All I
remember was thinking..."Good god this guy is incredibly
sexy" ~hahaha~

So I have decided...in my infinite wisdom~grins~....
I have been incredibly depressed for a year now...

You would think that would have occured to me
sooner...but!...I never get depressed really. Somewhat down
occasionally...cynical fairely often...but not really
*depressed* so to speak.
Was it Dusty? ~Hmmm~ I don't really think so...I think it
was a comination of him leaving me like he did....Kris
turning to drugs and the streets, Margie getting
cancer...all of those things combined...well...it was
alot .
Dusty...~hmmm~ constantly on my mind...day in and day
out...in my wake and in my sleep....its very hard. He said
one time...that he wouldn't leave his wife and
children...but that he would be *here* for as long as I let
him~small smile~
I always wondered ...while we chatted and shared...and yes
even when we completely broke every rule and watched each
other on cam....took each other to the places we did...in
our imaginations...and our minds...
Will he really stay? Or is he another guy on here who just
wants to *get off* at the risk of hurting me?
Ohhh but I got past that point with him....completely and
irrevocably fell in love with him. No going back...no
changing the way my heart was aching to have him...in *any*
way it could...even if it was here....so far away!
So now...its in a void I think...much like an
abyss...deep...never ending...quiet...but vast.
And how does one retrieve thier
heart...feelings...emotions....from someone who ....someone
who turned thiers off....?
~sighs~


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