My Life & My Memories
2004-12-26 10:02:39 (UTC)

December 24, 2004, an unforgettable day of my life...

Love...a four letter word but has a strong meaning to it
when said...I had said the magical 3 words "I love you" to
someone a long time ago and meant it with all my
heart...Never knew he would go away from me...We have been
friends for the last so many years but somewhere deep
inside my heart he still had a special place and every
time I spoke to him my heart would skip a beat...he was my
first love and how can I ever forget my first love...I
never did and I think I never will...

I recd a call from him on December 24, 2004 while I was
still in bed...I was still asleep when he called so I
could not recognize his voice but I was surprised to hear
from him because I had been thinking about him the night
before while watching a movie...Its not that we haven’t
spoken with each other, we have but hearing from him
yesterday was not expected...its so true, when you least
expect it things will happen that will make your life

He had called to propose me...!!! I could feel his heart
beat as he spoke to me. I could feel his breathing hard as
he even said he loved me and misses me...I could hear the
plead in his voice, his voice was quivering...He was
crying on the phone, he was pleading for me to say yes and
I could do nothing about it...nothing at all..!!

He did not want to propose over the phone but he said he
waited for me to take a trip back home but it never
happened and he could not keep shut anymore...his parents
have been pressurizing him for marriage and he had to tell
me how he felt...He had left me speechless, I was too
shocked to even acknowledge I heard him...I don’t know
what I felt, I just wanted to go and hug him and ask him
why did it take him so long? But all I could do was not
accept his proposal...

Why? Do I not love him? Well, I do love him, at least I
still do have something for him in my heart...But the
question is not about loving him but about being practical
in life...he is too far from me...I do not want a long
distant relationship...I want someone in my life who is
there to stay and not go away after a while...My parents
will not accept him...It hurts to think about him right
now but I just cant seem to stop thinking...

My heart tells me I should accept him back in my life but
how do I tell myself to call him and tell him yes I will
marry him when I know that I am thinking about impossible?
I had followed my heart once before and what good did that
do? Left someone broken hearted? No, I am not ready to pay
that price again...not for him, not for anyone...

It took him a while to realize that he needs me in his
life but he doesn’t realize that it is too
would have been heaven if he had stayed or even he had
attempted coming back 3 years ago...

I want to forget that he had called...I want to just think
about it as a dream, a wonderful dream, as if the morning
of 24th December 2004 never happened in reality...I just
want to put it behind me but the more I try to forget it,
I seem to think more and more about him...all those years
gone by, time spent with him, without him, the tears, the
hurt, everything is coming back to me...why did he have to
do this to me? Why couldn’t he keep it to himself? Why?

It took me 2 years to put him behind me and it will take a
lifetime to forget that he had proposed and I did not have
a say in it? If life could get a little simpler for me I
would be really happy...It just seems to get complicated
everyday...maybe I make it difficult for me...

Oh God, please help me in the right direction...

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