2004-12-26 06:44:23 (UTC)


so im gonna sound like a huge fake loser right now
colleen just told me her boyfriend got her a digital camera,
a claddah ring (which all my life i have been DYING for
anything claddah from a boy) and 100 gift certificate to H
and M.
and mayas BF is taking her on a carribean spree for the
holidays. he is a friggen tour bus dude.
but i like the things my boyfriend got me. i felt like he
thought about them and about me. they are all artsyish
stuff. lately its been feeling like its getting more
serious. for the life of me i dont want to think about
things like the rest of my life and marriage and children
and family. thats something i SO dont want, not right now
and im not entirely positive i ever will. and i certainly
dont know if i want those things with him. why should i have
to think about that?i shouldnt . why should i have to think
about what he will make of his future?
am i happy right now?
is that all that matters?
i dont want my self refelction to taper off. because im not
done yet. and i never will be done. and i feel myself
getting old yet i feel my youth.
i think about how strongly i wanted both love and writing.
and how now im getting the oppurtunity to figure out both at
once. how to love and how to write.

i think the people that live upstairs are not home. so im
gonna play my music nice and loud and drink this wine and do
my thing. im listening to ani difranco and i really do like