Ken

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2004-12-24 20:20:19 (UTC)

Marry Christmas ;P

Well, in 2 hours here in Kuwait it will be Christmas. No
tree, no presents, no stockings, no snow..really doesn't
feel like Christmas. The best I can do is watch my
Christmas movies..my favorite is of course White Christmas
followed by Wonderful Life. The worst part is loneliness.
My family is not here. I have friends here but new
friends..not old good friends you know? and the woman I
want to be with is in another's arms. I know, I told her
to go..it's not a matter of being jealous..it's wanting to
be there instead of him. just feels a little unfair that
he has my pet. I know she is enjoying herself though.
Reading her messages and posts, I think it is something
she needed..if not from me then from someone she is
comfortable with. I rather it be him than some stranger.
The saving grace is how honest she has been. At no point
has she hidden her thoughts and feelings about me or this
situation. She liked being next to him snuggling because
that is who she is. I understand this. Still doesn't keep
me from missing her alot...guess it's strange. We have
talked almost every single day, this off time is..weird. I
think it's alot being alone for Christmas. I have finally
found someone I think might be the one for me and I have
to wait. ...I hate waiting..but least she is worth taking
the right time.

I told my pet I would say more of my life. Well, my father
works for the same international construction company I do
now. Needless to say my life of moving began early. Born
in Melbourne Flordia, it was only 6 months before we began
movings. I think the first place I can really remember was
Oregon. Growing up was hard on me. (oh, my pet just showed
up). When you moved as much as I did (40 times), making
friends was almost a waste. Why make one when you was just
leaving them in a few months. My friends were books..I was
also that brain in the class who never studied. What most
also don't know that I was also depressed a great deal of
the time. I actually tried to kill myself many times in my
youth...way too many. I didn't feel right with who I am.
Looking back now, it was because people was trying to make
me into what they wanted me to be instead of who I am. My
last attempt was when I was 18. I took alot of pills and
actually started to feel myself start to fall asleep when
something just woke me up. One thing I don't know if I
told my pet is I'm a wiccan. It's my faith, not something
I push on anyone, but I think what woke me up was a
realization that there was much in my life still. I called
the campus police and well..since that day I am the man I
am now. Strong in my spirit, in my goals and desires. If
you met me before that day, you would swear I was a sub.
All the strength I show now was hidden so deep, it was
almost non-existant. I guess the term 'take no shit' came
to be. I'm going to continue this in a bit cause my pet is
on and I'll go ahead and let her read it. She is in a bit
of a mad mood. I rather wish she was with me and even with
my family or I with hers..I wonder if she understand how
much she means to me already. I actually mentioned her to
my coworkers as we had dinner at the Hard Rock Cafe. I
think about her alot and I worry about her. ok, going to
close this part for now. This is going to be one of those
many part deals cause there is alot in my life I want to
say. ::kisses for my pet::


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