jerica

My Social Life, Love Life, and Other Hop
2004-12-24 09:40:28 (UTC)

All about my boyfriend the FRICKIN MORON

Hello all I'm new to this site so here it is:

My name is going to be known as Jerica, I'm a high school
cheerleader/student council member/student of the month
winner (multiple times so far)/gymnast/principal's list
girl. I have a sometimes-great-sometimes-sucky boyfriend
who is two years older than me, but seems like he's two
years younger than me at times. I'm light complected, dark
brunette hair, green and brown eyes (they change to more
green or more brown, I don't know why) and I am about 5'4"
and weigh about 100 pounds (I go between 95 and 105 pounds
all the time).

Today was so confusing as to whether I should be happy or
pissed off or maybe both. Last night I was on the phone
with my boyfriend until past midnight, and he said he
would call at eleven the next morning to see check and see
if he could come over. I knew better than that, so I
automatically said "Okay talk to you at 2 then" and then
had to explain to him that I always add three hours to any
time he gives me for when he's going to do something, and
that kind of pissed him off so we made a $5 bet on whether
or not he would call by 11.

I woke up at about 10:30 this morning and watched some tv
for a while and then wouldn't you know, it's already 11:30
and he hasn't called. I texted him and told him he lost
the bet and he owed me $5 with no reply. I'm always so
scared he'll go back to his old girlfriend, who he was
with for over a year and broke up for over the summer
because she's a cheating whore, but that's another story,
so I was worried about where he was and what he was doing.
He doesn't know I worry, though, he thinks I don't really
care one way or another about Mina, which is what we'll
call his ex.

So at about 1:30pm, still no call. So I text him again and
say that I was right, he would call at 2 and cancel. He
texted back and said he was in a fight with his brother.
That's his excuse for everything. It's not right the way
he treats me. He always cancels with some lame excuse, but
then he tells me he wants to be with me for a long time
and that he really loves me (I, by the way, don't believe
in real love - it's impractical and unrealistic. No one
stays in love forever.) and acts like nothing is wrong. I
guess I might worry too much, but I don't know.

So he calls at three and comes over and gives me a
beautiful gold butterfly necklace. He's so egotistical,
though, I hate it, he's so immature - he tells me to look
at the other side of the box and he left the tag on it so
I would know how much it cost him. It was close to a
hundred dollars, and he started complaining about how much
it had cost him. So I just turned around and told him he
shouldn't have spent so much, but that I loved it.

Then I gave him his stuff that I got him and he went nuts
over it and loved it (a cd he's wanted forever and a
necklace from Florida and a Southpark shirt - no big deal,
but whatever). Then, thinking he had spent almost a
hundred dollars, I told him I still had to pick up the
seat covers for his car. I didn't want to look cheap, you
know?

So we were laying on my bed watching tv and I really
wanted to make out, but he was totally oblivious. Like
always. God he gets on my nerves. And then, he knows I
have an issue with being slobbered on, he licks my arm
from elbow to wrist and starts laughing like a hyena.
Attractive, right?

So then he just starts like tickling me in the armpits and
stomach and I warn him, but he doesn't stop, so I give him
a titty-twister and he shrieks like a little girl and
drops me on the floor. Nice, right? Well it gets better.

He won't stop tickling me, and it's so not even funny, but
I play along because I don't want to seem bitchy. I don't
know why I do that - hide my feelings, I mean. I never
yell at him, though I nag sometimes, and I never try to
tell him what to do. That was one of the reasons he broke
up with Mina.

So then, he goes in my little brother's room and starts
playing video games. For an HOUR AND A HALF. Then his dad
calls and says he'll be there to pick him up in 30
minutes. So I figured he would quit playing the game and
come make out with me in my room like I was trying to
telepathically tell him to do. But instead, he plays video
games for the half hour and then expects me to walk him
out to the door and kiss him goodbye like he didn't just
ignore me for the past two hours. So I do, like a frickin'
moron.

This is a typical get-together for us. About once a week,
he'll get the picture and make out and stuff, but other
than that, it's video games or talking to my mom. It's so
annoying, I don't know what to do. If I ignored him like
that, he'd call me a bitch and leave and not talk to me
for a week. He's so immature sometimes.

I was talking to my best friend today on MSN and we were
talking about random things and I discovered that I keep
people at a distance. Always. In the past two years I have
switched groups of friends three or four times, most of
them not willingly but just gradually, and it hurts each
time I'm hit with the realization that I'm not friends
with people I really used to care about anymore.

So I've realized now that I keep a void between myself and
others around me. It's almost unbearable to be around my
family. I just feel the uncontrollable need to be a
flaming bitch around them and make them mad. Around my
friends I watch what I say, I'm never myself. I don't know
when or exactly how this happened, but I feel like a fake
little barbie.

I never let anyone get close enough, emotionally, to see
the real me. It's unbearable because I feel so alone. My
best friend, let's call her Krista, is really the only
person who really knows me. And it's so crazy, because I
hang out with people from 7th or 8th grade all the way up
to 12th graders, and yet I have one true friend. I
consider the rest 'associates' because they don't really
know me.

My cheerleading friends would screw me over in a minute. I
know they would. I've seen them do it to other girls that
were closer to them than I am. I can't get close to them
because I know that they'll take my feelings and rip them
to shreds, then think nothing of it. I don't know how they
do it. I could never knowingly do that to another human
being. I hang out with everyone from the stoners (my
boyfriend is a skater/stoner) to the jocks to the drama
kids to the band to the kids who aren't really in
anything, and I think that's what has made the difference
between me and the other cheerleaders.

They never leave their little circle of cronies.

But still, to have one true friend who I know I can trust
out of all of those people? It amazes me. Last year I was
part of a group of close friends, four of us, and two of
them screwed me over because we liked the same boy (my now
boyfriend, let's call him Zeb). The other girl and I got
closer and those two got closer and our group was ripped
apart at the seams. The other two girls got Zeb first, one
girl helping the second one get Zeb to like her - the
first one was his best girl friend, like his sister,
almost - and they dated for all of three weeks.

That hurt. That hurt like a slap in the face, because they
knew I liked him, and they knew that I had liked him for a
long time, and was in the process of trying to get him to
ask me out, and then one day at lunch the two of them took
me aside and told me I better not get mad but that (let's
call her Beth) Beth was dating Zeb and Zeb didn't like me,
at all, and that he was getting tired of me flirting with
him.

Well I cried when I got home. But I acted fine at school
that day. Like nothing had happened. I'm good at that, not
showing others what I'm feeling. I'm a talented liar, but
I tend to only use my skills for the good of the people
around me, including myself. But then Zeb and I didn't
talk for the rest of the summer, one because I was hurt
and two, because he was sick of me flirting with him when
he had made it obvious several times that he didn't like
me.

So about two weeks before school starts up again, in
August, he texts me out of the blue and starts talking. I
didn't get back to him for three hours because I was done
with that group of people, with those two (the third
person, Adrianne, I just grew apart from, her doing her
own thing this year and me doing my own thing, but we've
started talking again) and Zeb. I didn't want hurt again.
But then he texted again so I played it cool, like the Ice
Queen and reponded as though I was talking to him for the
first or second time.

I don't know what happened over the summer, but about a
week into school and boys were all over me. They all
wanted me, and they made it clear. Zeb asked me out the
end of the week we were in school (the 28th of August) and
we've been going out ever since. That just goes to show
that I always get what I want, even though I didn't really
want Zeb anymore after everything that had happened.

Zeb has a nasty temper, though. He only smokes pot and
does shrooms on occasion, which is a regular drug for my
city (though I've never smoked it and don't plan on it),
though he's done coke, acid, opium, and several other
drugs that are somehow finding their way into our city,
but he gets in a bad mood if he hasn't smoked in a while.
Sometimes I'll be playing or get mad and punch his arm,
never hard enough to hurt - I don't really think I could
hurt him - but he gets mad because it annoys him. So the
other day we were hanging out and he had a book in his
hand and he was annoying me so I punched his leg and he
just hauled off and hit me in the arm with the book.

I don't know if he was playing or what, but it hurt. He
cut my arm deep enough to make it bleed, and that was a
week ago and it still hasn't completely healed. He never
even said sorry. I didn't say anything about it, though, I
just laughed and took the book and tossed it down.
Sometimes he reminds me of a little kid, a toddler,
throwing a fit.

He hates all my guy friends, too. Which is funny because
he's the one who got a text message from a girl named
tonya that said she loved and missed him and he had "no
idea who that bitch was" and I don't say anything, but
I've never done anything with another guy while dating Zeb
and he's the jealous one.

I might flirt, but everyone does. I never flirt too much,
though. One boy did ask me to call him, and I did, but we
only talked on the phone a couple times, it was no big
deal. Zeb doesn't know about that to this day.

Another thing that happened was that a guy totally slapped
my ass twice one day in Spanish class, and another boy saw
it and decided to tell Zeb to make him mad. So I'm sitting
in Computer Ap. I when all of a sudden Zeb comes storming
into the classroom and demands to know what happened
before he kicks someone's ass. So I lie.

That was the only thing I could do. I didn't want Zeb to
get arrested (again - he has a bad problem with running
his mouth when he gets angry) so I said the boy had lied
and nothing had happened. Then I realized after he left
that no matter what I had said, someone would be in
trouble.

Zeb went and told the boy that spread the news to him that
he had better stop spreading rumors if he didn't want his
ass kicked. It was very childish, actually. Really
juvenile.

Zeb still doesn't know I lied about that either.

Like I said, I'm a pretty good liar. And I only lie when
it will prevent something bad from happening. Does that
make me a bad person? I don't think so, but lately I've
just been so confused that I don't know.

Zeb is also really pushing having sex. I'm a virgin, so I
want to wait, but Zeb has already had sex with a few
different people (he's been tested twice since we started
dating, and he's clean) and he feels like he doesn't
deserve to have his sex life dented the way it is being
dented. He does want to wait until March, though. He wants
me to be a little older. But I told him I would sometime
between March and May (my birthday and his birthday) and
now he says I'm 'legally binded'. He would never make me
though, but he would be pissed off about it.

It's weird, because I want to do things with him, but we
haven't yet because I'm worried that I won't do whatever
it is right and then I'll look stupid. Oh the insecurities.

I just don't know. Half the time I want to break up with
him and half the time I want to be together for a long
time (notice I never say forever - there's no such thing
as a couple staying in love forever and it's stupid to
wish there was).

Well thanks for listening to me rant.

~*Jerica*~




Ad: