grnidangel

Kyla's thoughts
2004-12-23 13:29:32 (UTC)

Not just another day

For the first time in my life, I'm heading down the road
I've always wanted to go down, but was always too afraid
to try. I've been depressed my whole life, but tried to
keep it from everyone because I was too ashamed. I didn't
think that anyone would understand. I caged myself for
fear of what others would think. How wrong I was to think
that would work. I still had mood swings, still had panic
attacks, still wanted to end it all. I made the lives of
everyone around me difficult and I was making my life an
even worse mess than it already was. I just wanted to feel
whole......and now I'm starting too. I guess one of the
main reasons I hid was my father is a firm believer in not
taking medication for pretty much anything, and let that
be known everytime anyone came home with a perscription
for anything from allergy meds to pain relievers for the
removal of wisdom teeth. That, coupled with the fact that
we were poor and didn't have very good insurence to cover
such things. I wish i hadden't cared so much about what my
parents would think or how they were going to pay for it.
I needed help.
I broke down in my doctors office crying for no other
reason than i couldn't deal with it anymore. The funny
part was she said she had been expecting me to ask for
help for sometime now, but wanted me to make the
decision..she didn't want to seem like she was trying to
force me into something i wasn't ready for.
It's only been a couple of days since i started zoloft,
but i'm already noticing little changes...those little
things that would have made me freak out before, like when
im supposed to be meeting someone and they are a few
minutes late, don't seem to bother me as much. The urge to
cry for no reason at all is lessening and the weight that
has been on my shoulders for so long is slowly lifting.
I'm starting to feel like me. It's the best feeling in the
world. Kyla




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