2004-12-23 06:58:47 (UTC)


ifeel so confused.
my dad has a gf that he apparently wants us to hang out with
and i apparently have a boyfrind that i live with
and i apparently have these brothers that i have to deal
with hoping and loving and hoping for a future that is as
bright as they are
and i have these friends
and i am older
and i never knew that friendship changes
and i donnt know how to change with it
and i have all of these brilliant and shining friends that
arent acting so brilliant and shining.
i have friends that are acting stupid and like they dont
even love themselves.
i have a boyfriend that is the most wonderful ive ever had
who doesnt remember making love to me
i dont know wher ei am living
so funny
all those times i didnt know what was going on
and now i dont know whats going on insuch a BIGGER way in
such a different way in a way thats so much harder to
swallow and im starting to understand hjow the older people
get the harder it is to change.
i can see how the young dont see

i think that more than anything i wish i could tell mark all
this in the way that i want to but i think i know that i
cant. i think this breaks my heart more thank anyhting

i am way too scared to love him as much as i do
i think that this is the truth

i dont want my past to dictate who i am i want what i want
to dictate who i am but as hard as i try i dont know if that
is possible. after a certain point it gets to be too much
but that point
has not