EssentialSista

My Aphrodisiac
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2004-12-23 01:56:29 (UTC)

Ooooo...see...

I'm ready to go back. I ain't bringin' my ass down here
for longer than a week or two from now on. Not havin' a
car is killin' me!!!! My momz finna get on my fuccin'
nerves as far as that's concerned too. Bitch, gimme the
damn keys!!!! Whew! Had to get that the hell off my
chest. So, Freddie B's big head took me to the airport.
It was sweet...skycaps was talkin' about us...blah
blah...But I'm mad though. Lowkey. I remember us once
talkin' about our ex's. Right...so, though his words were
few, I could tell he still had maad love for the gyrl.
She goes to a school in Chatt. So, that's what? Two hours
away. But, the bitch get outta school just as we do.
What if he's cupcakin' w/ her? See, I'm not the best w/
the memory, but I remember what I want to. To be
truthfully honest, I think they may be chillin' over the
break. I can't do shyt about it of course. But I mean,
the possibility of it all lowkey is upseting. But fucc
it. Ain't nann I can do. I ain't his gyrl, and he ain't
my man. So, I'm just not understanding our purpose.
Like, what the hell was he brought into my life for? To
show me what? That niggaz can appear to be any way they
want to appear as, but in reality they ain't shyt? I hope
that one day I'll find me a good man. I thought I found
him...but luckily I'm playin' this one lowkey. Cuz I
don't have time. I purposely confuse Fred. Hell, I ain't
finna be the only one questioning things. But then again,
isn't that what life is about? Figuring out answers to
all the damn questions that flood our minds? It's ither
that or something to that effect. Yea, but I'm hella
pissed though. Got me out here w/ no fuccin' car. I
can't even get mad and go get me some damn weed!!! That's
another thing I hate about out here. I fuccin' smoke
tooooo much! That's so not the biz. I really think on
the 1st of the year I'm givin' the shyt up. Everybody out
here is fuccin' weed heads. My brother is a lightweight
alcoholic and weed head. It's sad to see that shyt. He
be smokin' weed, cigs, and blacks. Like nigga, don't you
know what the fucc you're doing to yourself? Guess not...
I swear I don't wanna be like that. I ain't knockin'
mofo's that do so, but I don't see it for me. I don't
want to be dependent on anyone or anything. It's amazing
how much genes have to do w/ our futures. I see my dad in
both myself and my brother. But before the shyt is able
to come to surface, I'm gettin' rid of it. Fucc that. I
refuse. Sex. I been hella horny. Fred still ain't got
no booty, and til' I really think or make sense of things
and love is had... he won't be gettin' none. Fucc all
that waste of pussy. Niggaz gotta put in work. Need to
be in complete understanding of my worth. Momz told me
that I gotta teach people how to treat me. And I'm doin'
just that. Got his ass in training. But what if he is
cupcakin' w/ her...? Then what am I supposed to do? I
guess let him go. I'm getting better at that. I must
admit. Gotta stop forcing things. Some things should
just come naturally. But things flow with us... but I be
DAMNED to be made a fool of...again. Cuz I'll admit.
I've been somebody's dumb bitch a time or two. Never
again! Fa' real. But let me roll on outta here. I'll
holla! Oh yea...before I go. I GOT THE DEANS LIST!!!!


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