DayDream Believer
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2004-12-19 20:10:06 (UTC)

and worse agen

The police took him to a hotel, but he came home the next
day (yestarday in a taxi) A friend of the family are staying
here until tomorrow. I came today, feel awfull cause I left
Tommy on a day we had plenty of plans. I hate it when he
breaks our plans, and is just as hard to my self. Tommy is
not that hard of a person, and is all right with it.
The family is not acting verry nicly to me at all. Mybe I
should not have came, I came because I wanted to see them,
help them and support them, but I feel like Im in their way.
Karoline is angry over nothing, she git this way this summer
as well, when things where getting hard. You should think
she was mature enugh to understand that its my father shes
angry with, not me...
Gracie wassnt so nice eather. She gets everything she points
as, dossnt listen to anyone and only want, want , want. My
greand mother is not gomming this christmas. My mother and
oncle foundf out that was best, I agree she does not have to
live in this caos.
My mother, Karoline and Grace is celebrating christmas with
the aunt Gracie is living with. I was invited to Tommys
grandmother, but for manny reasons I dont want to go. First
of all Christmas is really special and important to me,
Tommy does not even LOVE me, its wrong that we spend this
important day togeher. I dont like most of his family
members, but they seems to like me, they also told Tommy
they like me. He has really nice nices, but thats about all.
Usally at his grandmother I sit in tha sofa, and Tommy
stands or sits behind the sofa! Are not coupple suposes to
sit tougeher?? They dont follow norms or rules the rest od
society does. So there I sit alone, if we discuss things I
knoew about I in, but most of the time its family members
far out or people who used to live there manny years ago,
and I just sit there quiet and bord. Tommy is not good at
lokking afther and take care of me there. They smoke insode
so my hair and clos smells afther I`ve been there, so does
Tommy.. Last time there was a christmas cellebrating there,
Emmas parents was really drunk and no-one did anything, they
let them take her with the, home. Then she was three, now
shes five and starting noticing more and more when it comes
to this things, Tommy has noticed and of course he`s sad
about it. But in a way its good, cause now she can tell, and
Tommy will understand her, and even I will suporte them.
I wanted to have christmas with mum, Karoline and Gracie,
but right now I dont care much about christmas. It dont feel
like christmas and I only feel Im a problem to everyone, so
Im starting to want to be alone that evning..
Dont be sorry for me, if I do its a choice I`ve made. Right
now nothing is sure.

Dante called me some hours ago. It seems like he wants us to
be friends. I dont hate him anymore, he`s a nice person, it
was me who was the problem, I was in love with S*, and
should not gotten involved with him. I can have a good life
with him and a good life with out him.
Im starting to think more and more about Chris. One night I
even dreamt of him. And please be honest and tell me how
stupid it is! Last year this time I though I had a cruch on
him, it dossnt feel like a cruch, but I want him in my life.
Im trying to find out why. I belive it might be because Im
used to everyone liking me, and mybe he dossnt like me. I
dont need him to love me, even though it would be nice. I
want him to like me enught to make contact once in a while.