The life of a Bisexual Female
2004-12-18 13:31:06 (UTC)

Lost motherhood of a bisexual female

This is my first entry in this... Well I guess I should
tell you a little about myself then huh???

I am 23 yr old bisexual female. I am married to my best
friend and we have been together 5 yrs now. We have no
lving children, but 3 angel babies in heaven. My husband
how ever has one daughter from a previous relationship.
She is 8.

Our first loss was back in 2001, we had a miscarriage at 2
months pregnant. Our second loss was our daughter Zoie.
She was stillborn in my 6th month of pregnancy. She was
born still on August 30,2002 at 10:25 am weighing only 6.9
ounces and was only 9 1/2 inches. I miss her all the time
and wonder what might have been. Our 3rd loss was our son
Caden. He was born on November 22 ,2003 at 5:23 am
weighing 8.1 pounds and was 19 1/2 inches long. He was
very heathly and everything. Looked just like his daddy,
except he had his mommy's nose. Very saddly on January
21,2004 only 1 day shy of turning 2 months old and 6 days
before my 23rd birthday he passed away from sids. There
isnt one day that goes by that I dont miss him or think of
him and wish he was still with me.

We kind of had a forth loss too.. My SO-CALLED GIRLFRIEND
and her husband came up with a plan (I kid u not) that
because my husband and I were having such trouble
conceving again... the plan was no matter whom became
pregnant first, my hubby and me or her hubby and her, the
baby was going to be mine. Meaning if she got pregnant
first we were going to adopt. Well wouldnt yeah know...
she got pregnant first and came running to me to tell me
that I was going to be a mommy. Everything was going
great, my hubby and I were planning to adopt the baby and
everything. Then in her 5th month (this November) the day
after what should have been my son (the one I lost to
sids) birthday she left a note on her door to me saying
she changed her mind that she is keeping the baby.

After a week of not talking I finally went over to see
her. Thought I could be the bigger person and try to
forgive her and see if things between us could still be
the same. But anymore I dont think I want to be her
girlfriend, I mean I cant trust her at all anymore. She
ripped my heart out and stomped all over it. She still
wants to be girlfriends and everything and even wants me
to HELP her with this baby! I DONT THINK SO! That baby was
suppose to be mine!

I really think its time for me to find a new girlfriend
who can mend my broken heart. My hubby is in the military
and will be deploying in a few short months and has even
told me to find a new girlfriend so I wont be lonely while
he is away... There is only one problem... I am a very shy
person and I also suffer from anxiety and panic attacks
every since I lost my daughter back in 2002. I wish it
were easier to find a new girlfriend....

Anyway thats a little about me and my screwed up life....

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