bluemoon

The crazy world of me
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2004-12-17 19:30:00 (UTC)

SO I AM SURE BY NOW EVERYONE IS..

SO I AM SURE BY NOW EVERYONE IS FOR REAL TIRED OF HEARING
ABOUT RICKY BUT JUST NOBODY IS SAYING IT. TO TELL YOU THE
TRUTH I AM TOO. I WENT BACK AND READ A LOT OF MY ENTRIES
AND IT JUST MADE ME REALIZE HOW STUPID I AM. I SIT AND
LOVE AND CARE ABOUT SOMEONE WHO DOES NOTHING BUT HURT ME
ALL THE TIME. I JUST DONT UNDERSTAND WHY I KEEP HOLDING ON
TO THIS ALL. I GUESS IT IS BECAUSE I LOVE AND CARE ABOUT
HIM SO MUCH. HE USE TO MAKE ME THE HAPPIEST PERSON. I
DONT KNOW MAYBE HE DIDN'T. MAYBE IT WAS JUST THAT KIND OF
HAPPINESS WHERE IT IS JUST SO GOOD AT THE MOMENT THAT IT
MAKES ME FEEL LIKE HE MADE ME HAPPY. HE HAS NEVER KNOWN
WHAT HE HAS WANTED IT, FROM DAY ONE ACTUALLY. THE ONLY
REASON HE EVER EVEN TOLD ME HE LOVED ME IS BECAUSE I MESSED
AROUND WITH SOMEONE ELSE. HE SAYS ONE MINUTE HE WANTS TO
BE WITH ME AND THEN HE JUST CHANGES HIS MIND AND DONT WANT
TO. AM I SUPPOSE TO JUST KEEP GOING ALONG WITH IT? ITS
LIKE HE ALWAYS KNOWS WHEN TO SAY THE RIGHT THINGS TO ME A
THE RIGHT TIME. LIKE EVERY TIME I AM READY TO GIVE UP ON
EVERYTHING AND MOVE ON HE DOES OR SAYS SOMETHING TO MAKE ME
WANT TO STAY AND TO HAVE HOPE. SO I DID FIND SOMEONE WHO I
REALLY BELIEVE LOVES ME WITH ALL THEIR HEART THE ONLY THING
IS I DONT LOVE THEM BACK. WHY DOES IT WORK OUT THAT WAY.
THIS PERSON WHO IS "LOVING" ME IS PROBABLY HAVING SOME OF
THE SAME FEELINGS I GUESS. MAYBE NOT THOUGH BECAUSE ME AND
THIS PERSON NEVER GOT TO ANY RELATIONSHIP LEVEL. THEY JUST
STARTED LIKING ME AND FROM WHAT THEY SAY IT TURNED INTO
LOVE. I JUST WISH I HAD SOMEONE WHO LOVED ME LIKE I LOVE
THEM. IT ALMOST SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND, SHOULD I FEEL
SO STUPID FOR LOVING SOMEONE WHO DONT LOVE ME BACK OR IS IT
JUST SOMETHING THAT EVERYONE GOES THROUGH? THIS ALL GOT
BROUGHT TO MY MIND BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO TALK TO
HIM AND HE IS LIKE I'LL CALL YOU BACK BUT I GUESS HE DONT
HAVE TIME IN HIS BUSY SCHEDULE FOR A 5 MINUTE CONVERSATION
WITH ME. I AM JUST GOING TO ASSUME THAT HE HAS FOUND
SOMEONE ELSE. I REALLY BELIEVE HE USE TO LOVE ME BUT WHY
WOULD YOU EVER HURT SOMEONE THE WAY HE HURTS ME IF HE DID
OR DOES LOVE ME. I DONT BELIEVE I EVER DID ANYTHING FOR
HIM TO BE THE WAY HE IS TO ME. I DID NOTHING BUT HELP HIM
AND CARE ABOUT AND LOVE HIM AND BE THERE FOR HIM THROUGH
EVERYTHING AND IF THINGS WERE VICE VERSA I DONT THINK HE
WOULD DO THE SAME. I HAVE TO GO TO WORK BUT I JUST HAD TO
VENT FOR A MINUTE. HOPE TO HERE FROM ONE OF YOU SOON. BYE
KIDS


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