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2004-12-17 15:57:37 (UTC)

Happy Anniversary to no one

Yesterday, December 16, 2004 would have been my 6th
official month with Justin. And our 10 month non-
officailly. I didnt notice the date until I was at work
and someone asked me what day it was. I dont think I have
ever spent so much thinking about him. The funny thing
is... I dont want to think about him, and he doesnt
deserve to be thought about by me.

I dont even know if he has thought about me considering it
was our anniversary. I dont know what to think anymore.
All I want to know if he still thinks about me, or is he
really completely over me? I mean... I dont know why I
want to know. Actually yes I do, but still.

Tonight I might be going to a party... and Justin is going
to be there. I dont know if he will be there with his new
girlfriend, but I do know that it will be an interesting
night. And I do know that I am going because just knowing
that they might be there and I was invited and I dont
show... not going to happen. Today is going to be a tough
day, but tonight will be even harder, but that just means
Im going to have to drink like no tomorrow!

Bart is coming home today! I cannot wait to see him, but
he is one of Justins good friends. I dont think Justin is
going to like the fact that I will be hanging out with
Bart a lot while hes home, and not to mention Im driving
to see him at his university in January. We have become
pretty good friends. Im not going to lie.

Im not going to waste my time, trying to still make him
happy when we are not together. I did a lot of that in the
relationship and got nothing in return. Forget it! Im done
with that. If anything, I think I will be the most
uncomfortable out of the three of us. Meaning Justin,
Desiree and myself.

Elliott is another one of Justins friends. I knew him
before I was going out with Justin though. Anyway, we have
agreed upon w/e with the world. And you know what, w/e
with Justin and his new gf Desiree. They can like happily
ever after because I can do better than him. I dont mean
that in a cocky way, but Justin is Justin. Not the
brightest crayon in the crayon box, but I loved him, no
doubt about it, but now its my turn. I need to let this
go, because if he is somewhere where I might be, I do not
want to do the process of thinking... is Desiree going to
be with him, what if they are this blah blah blah. NO! I
wont let him have control over me like that, and that
little Desiree of his, I do not like her at all for
obvious reasons... if she so much as does anything towards
me or hints towards me. Im simply going to do nothing. She
doesnt deserve it. At most I would say something
like "Have fun while it lasts". Something like that.

I dont consider that a childish thing to do, but if it
is...w/e. Anyway, Im out.


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