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2004-12-17 11:18:40 (UTC)

Cry baby

The dentist surgery went fine, well more then fine
actually. Thsy gave me a drink to calm down and it was like
having a few shots of alcohol, to surgery didnt hurt
eather, and it was not supose to. Afther awrds they gave me
som pills for the pain, it was painfull the first few days,
than it was all right, I removed my stiches Monday and are
fine now. They treated me like I was made of paper, a nurse
holding my hand, the dentist asking me every second if I
was doing all right and that I should breath. And the
student (it belongs to a teaching hospital, like the ER!)
was also verry carefully. I guess this is what happends if
you`re a cry baby and start crying at the dentist when you
not really in pain. But I could not bring my self to talk
about last time I was there, and that I did not cry because
of them ,but because of everything else in my life. Now I
laugh about it, but it was embarassing I tell you that.

I finished my exams, I think it went ok, but its hard to
say. And home... I dunno where to start. Grace is not
living home for the moment. And YES I meant Grace the 13
year old, not Karoline the 18 year old.
Grace had been so frightned of our father that she refues
to see him or evcen talk to him the he calls. She nos lives
with my aunt, onlcle and cusin. I feelt it so horible at
first, some times I stil do, but Im doing better. She is
doing fine out there, love beeing there and getting all the
attention from my cusin and aunt and us, who call and
wisits her all the time.
My parents are getting separated, but they have not found a
place for my father to live. He wants to leave near by, so
he is stil home.
Im having a hard time with him, and its hard ro explain. He
can be so nice sometimes, like last weekend. He could not
fall so sleep for three days. I woke up feeling sick and
puked, (yes for the third time this fall!) I brought a
bucket into my room, he came down and asked me if I was all
right and if there was anything he could do, I asked if he
could clean the bucket and he did. And like the other day
when I asked if he could clean my windows form the out side
and he did, and lots of more. But then there are days when
he is horrible, he is upset with Grace for doing this
toward him, and seems to not understadn why. He is blaming
my mother for parts of it, and while me and my mother was
sitting in the living room, he took out his penis (yes you
reand the right world) to demonstratde how my mother is
peeing up on Gracies back! I turned over, I have no need of
seeing my fathers penis!
But the nest day he was this super nice person agen, and Im
not even sure he kow what he have done or said.

The whole ting is so sad cause I think he`s really sick, he
hassnt been working for ages so he dont have much monny and
the world gives hime nothing but truble. He can be so mean,
but bacause he also can be nice its hard for me, verry
hard. Karoline has the same problem I think. We spend time
togher so its not like we dont see ecah other just because
we`re living on diffrent places. (Im at Tommys most of the
time, Karoline home and Grace with my aunt) Its important
to me to stay close to them bouth.
I dont think my mother would get separated if it wassnt for
Gracie refuses to stay home when he`s there. We have to set
Gracie over my dad, and I completly unserstand her.

When it comes to Tommy nothing does ever change, we had a
talk . or I did. I wont give him forever, but I love him so
much and its hard letting go, I`ll write more about it