eidolon

Something (I hope) she'll never read... but I had to get out...

You know what Sara?

I've been tearing myself up over this for a while and to
tell you the truth... it's not getting me anywhere except
upset. You are a fucking fraud. A fraud. I can't say that
I don't give a shit either... I can't say that it doesn't
bother the FUCK out of me that you steal my designs and my
code and go passing it off as your own. That you go
pointing fingers at *me* saying that I'm stealing your shit.

Bull shit. Until I started making pages for people you
couldn't make a fucking good char page to save your fucking
life. You didn't know fucking SHIT about code.

Then, you turn around and say that I'm stealing fucking code
from YOU?? What fucking nerve! The codes for your pages you
make.... I'll use azul's new page as an example for this....
that code is a fucking COPY AND PASTE of my own god damned
codes all the way down to which letters and words in the
code are capitalized and which aren't and the location of
every single apostrophe (of which half are unneccessary).
You even copied the copyright notice. And you know what? I
know fucking well you couldn't have gotten that from
anywhere else because *I* snagged it (with permission, of
course) from an html editor imprint... an HTML editor that
hasn't been available online for dowload in well over a year
now.

And you (or one of your cronies) come in when I send a
"thank you" note to someone (being complimented that they
liked my work enough to replicate it) to point fingers in
*my* direction? At ME? Telling me that they "helped"
selentium designs write up that fucking code for that page I
was thanking them for??? Saying that selentium has been
around *for years* making pages and writing code?? WHAT THE
FUCK? The code on that god damned page was simple. A MORON
just starting out with HTML could have written it, it was
THAT FUCKING SIMPLE!! But someone who's been writing code
for years and making pages for years needed *help* in order
to write it huh??? Right, sure.

And here they go threatening to spread that little tidbit
lie that *I* was stealing code around the site. Let me ask
you, if I stopped writing code and building pages for
people... where would you fucking get your code from then?
Where would you get ideas from? Because they're sure as
FUCK not coming out of your own head.

I have to admit. You have some talent with graphics. You
do. I've seen some really amazing and (as far as I'm aware)
original work put out from you in that department and have
been impressed. But with you? With your bullshit? That I
am NOT impressed with. I can't fucking believe your nerve.

And the worst part is you fucking have enough admirers out
there who think you're perfect and believe your "I'm a
victim, I'm an angel, I'm perfect" mask you wear that you
would probably succeed in getting people to believe I'm the
bad guy in all this.

You make me fucking sick. You hurt my feelings. I fucking
LOVED YOU damnit and all you've done to me for years is hurt
me and lie to me. And NOW threaten me too. I can't believe
I fell for you... I can't believe I ever defended you or
trusted you. DAMN YOU! FUCK YOU!

I sit here with my hands tied because I don't want to hurt
you and I can't do fucking SHIT but take it. And even if I
wanted to defend myself... even if I decided it wasn't worth
it and threw away my values and self-integrity and wanted to
strike back.... In the end somehow I know you'd just end up
twisting it around just like every time we ever argued in
the past so that you're the victim and I'm the bad guy.

I wish I could hate you.