Cath

Christmas

Christmas is coming up, and I'm both looking forward to it
and dreading it.
I can't wait to finish all my exams and go home to my
family and friends back home and just relax and enjoy
everything! Things have been so stressfull lately, I've
had to exams and I have one to morrow and my last on
Friday. I'll be a happy camper Friday afternoon!!
Saturday is my birthday, and my friends are planning some
kind of surprise for me! I'm SOOO curious, I wanna know
what it is!!!! They're so sweet doing it, tho!
A lof of shit has been going on lately, and I think I've
lost a friend. Which is very sad, because I concidered her
a really, really good friend. But I'm not able to tolerate
the fact that she's turned out to be someone who sees only
herself and her own needs. I'm sad to experience that she
has no compassion what so ever, no understanding for what
other people are going through. I know that she thinks
I've treated her badly, but I honestly think that I
haven't. We have such different views on life and
friendship, and it doesn't seem like we can overcome the
differences at the moment. Which is obviously very, very
sad. But lately it's been stressing me so much out that
it's just not worth it. She once told me she couldn't be
friends with someone who cared only about themselves, and
now I know what she means.. When she's not even willing to
try to understand my side of the conflict, then it's just
not worth it. I'm sorry, but it's just not. I won't take
the blame for everything when I feel I've done nothing
wrong.
With all of this going on, my other friends have been
wonderful! These issues have concerned them as well, but I
think they've brought us closer and I know now that I can
rely on them when things get rough. And it's not like
they've taken sides, it was her own choice.

So, with all this stress, I'm very much looking forward to
coming home to my family and friends! Our relationship is
so much less complicated!!!
And I've actually really missed my mum and dad, so it will
be lovely seeing them again :)

But since Christmas is the holiday for family and love, it
will be a bit hard this year. It will be though having to
go through it without my grandmother. We've spent every
Christmas since I was born (and before that) with my
grandmother and grandfather. When I was a baby, we
celebrated Christmas at their place, later at our place.
They've always been there.

Every Christmas Eve we go to the cemetery and light a
candle on the graves of our loved ones that have passed
away. As I've written before, until this spring I hadn't
lost someone I truly loved. So I've just thought of it as
a nice tradition, a bit melancholic. But this year it will
be quite different. I miss my grandmother so much.. It
will be so hard for my poor grandfather.

Tomorrow I have my third exam and then I'll go to get my
hair cut. I've found this great hair dresser. He's a
really HOT guy who's NOT gay :D

I'm off now, a little more studying and then I'm off to
dreamland.. :P

Wish me luck :)

P.S. Ben and I are, as always, doing great.