Hakerz338

Grass is Greener on the Other Side
2004-12-09 07:42:53 (UTC)

Pull yourself together hakz

This is going to be one of my serious entries. If you all
like feel free to write back. I can't really explain
anything really. Right now, i'm trying my best to keep
myself from falling. Every night, i go to bed praying that
tomorrow my life will get better, that tomorrow she will
walk back into my life, that tomorrow I'm not going to
lose my car, that tomorrow I can go back to my life. With
homeland security and so forth it's been hard on me. I
can't work I can't go to school, I can't do anything. In
fact the only good thing I had I lost. I lost my
girlfriend. She was the ray of light. I tell those who ask
me for advice, what i believe is right, while my world is
crumbling. There's no one now to tell me it's going to be
alright, to reassure me. I'm not longer a child, and I
can't run to my parents to make it all better. I can't
tell them that I'm hurting so much. I'm a man, I'm
supposed to know how to handle all this. Unfortanly, I
don't. I can't show the world that I'm falling apart. Hall
asked me today how I cope. I told him, with hope, with
blind faith. He's like I know you loved her. I corrected
him, I Love her. I don't know infact if me and her will
ever get back together. The world has told me we won't.
Every night, our happiness is in my prayers. I'm not that
strong. I can play things off so well. It's all show. I've
lost ounces of blood, days without sleep, and shed a few
tears. Instead, I'm constantly asking her to get back
with me, because I want her back more than anything. The
fact is i'm not afraid to be alone, I've been alone, I
really care for her, and I really love her. Hurts me to
know that she's only minutes away, and I'm helpless. She
may have a bad day, and I can't be there to say something
to make her laugh. I wasn't to great at making her laugh.
Her parents hate me, and her brother my best friend, never
really believed in us. Sigh... Sometimes there are nights
that I wish, I'd wake up as someone else, so maybe my
world wouldn't be so dark and grey. Instead I wake up to
this. Don't get me wrong, I've got two great parents,
great friends, and so forth. However the current issues
that I'm going through are killing me. In the next few
weeks, I find out if i get to keep my car, I find out if i
have to declare bankcrupcy, I find out if i can go back to
work, or if i can go back to school, or if i'm just
fucked. I wish things weren't like this. I really want LSR
back in my life. Two almost three of the worst months I've
dealt with. Sigh... I wish I wasn't so pathetic.

2:42 AM




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