What can I say?
2004-12-05 02:08:55 (UTC)

It's been a while...

Well it's been forever since I've done this. It's crazy to
go back and read all those things I wrote so long ago, and
think about how so much has changed but at the same time
so much hasn't. Some days I really miss those days, being
able to worry about boys and relationships with friends
and not about where my future is going and what the hell i
need to be doing with my life. I wish I knew what all
those people were doing, wish that I had made stronger
relationships with more of them and kept in touch with
more people. And I see myself doing it all over again
here, not going out and doing things with people that are
really cool and I would like to get to know. Well, what
can you do? Like tonight, I am debating going out, I
would love to but I REALLY need to work on a paper. Not
that I've gotten much done the rest of the day, so maybe I
should just go.

Let's see, what else is new? Matt and I are still
together, going strong. It sucks sometimes because at
times we are on different pages in life, but a lot of that
I think is my own doing. It seems like right now I change
my mind just about every day about what I want out of
life. Some days I want to save the world and do whatever
it takes to do that, even if it means sacrificing
relationships with not just him, and then other days I
just want to get married and have babies and be happy
because of them. So who knows. I can't believe that so
many of my friends are engaged and getting married!! Yea
Lynz and Amanda!!! I'm so happy for them, but it does make
me wonder when it'll happen to me. Sometimes I feel like
I'm not ready for that, that I still want to not have to
totally worry about someone else, then other days I just
don't know what I would do without him. Eh.

So the current life plan is to finish up with the Master's
here at GMU and then go from there. I have decided that
I/O psychology is really not for me. I mean, I see that
the people I work with every day basically hate their
jobs. Even though they make tons of money and are pretty
well known in the field, all they want to do is get
through the work day and make it til the weekend. I'm
just not that kind of person. I can't take sitting around
hating my job and just "making it through the week." So
I'm going to be compulsive and probably move all over
again. How ironic is it though that two of the programs
that interest me are in the stupid state I just left???

So right now I'm looking at going into communications. I
majored in it too in college and secretly liked it better
than psychology, but I was "supposed" to be a psychology
major, so I didn't feel like I could go on and do
something that just didn't seem like it has as much
merit. Now I found out that everything I want to do can
be done in a communications program, how ironic. Well at
least now I know, and I haven't totally wasted the year, I
am going to have a master's and I'll be able to apply to
more programs, or maybe just take some time off and work.
I would love to work for a university, so I think my goal
right now is to do the PhD so that maybe one day I can be
the dean of a school. Hahahaha who would have expected

Ok well I've got to go hunt down Erin and figure out what
we are doing, so I better go. Lynz, if you still read
this thing, write something sometime to me or let me
know!! I miss you (and everyone else!) so much and can't
wait til christmas!!!

Love you all!