hipeechic

Life's Sporadic Course
2004-11-14 07:59:54 (UTC)

A Need for Clarity

I woke up today thinking it was going to be a great day,
but it wasn't. I had taken a 5-HTP again today, hoping for
some happiness to hit me at some point in the day, but it
didn't. In fact, the opposite happened. I broke down and
cried...literally sobbing.

Have you ever just felt so over-whelmed with stress that it
made you cry? That's how I felt today. Let me describe my
stress to you. Stress = people (servers, SA's, hosts)
constantly calling my name, people(servers, SA's, hosts)
constantly asking me to do something for them, servers
complaining about their section, servers complaining about
their schedule... among other things, like my grandmother
dying, not being able to stay the night at my boyfriend's,
and wanting to go to a club downtown but getting home so
late that it's too late to go. These are the things that
make me stressed. They seem so simple, but they're
unpleasantly detrimental to my well-being however simple
they may be.

I'm an extremely positive person. Honestly, I absolute
can't stand the fact that I have whining servers, SA's, and
hosts. Their negativity eats away at the very cornerstone
of my soul. My boss tells me that I only cry because I
care. I do care, but I'm beginning to think that if I care
too much that it'll ruin the very person that I am deep
down. It has happened before, and when it did, I had to
find myself all over again. It took time... Sometimes I
feel like I need to be in an institute where I can have
time to think to myself, but isn't that what I do here? I
write what I feel.

Writing what I feel is perhaps not enough. I need more,
but what else is there?

These are my thoughts.

~Butternuts




Ad: