Sarah

dying fears and broken tears
2004-11-14 04:25:51 (UTC)

Sorry for myself

I'm feeling kinda sorry for myself. I really like Michael,
and I would love to go out with him, but he's gay.
Sometimes I wonder if he's just pretending by the way he
always tickles and pokes me. And then other times it's
just so blatantly obvious I want to cry. I don't know why
I have such strong feelings for him. I don't want to. I
just want to be friends, but I always wind up wanting
more. I hate that. I wish it would go away so I could be
happy. I am at such odds with the world. I am weary and
tired of trying to fit in where I'm not meant to. My
family is getting on my case because they got my report
card and I'm failing two classes. I don't really care
anymore, I haven't for a while. I'm constantly drained
because I hardly sleep anymore and I'm always working. I
want to leave so badly. Get away from all this. I think
that's what I'm going to do when I graduate, go on a long
road trip and explore. Mike once said he'd come and get me
and take me on a road trip with him and the rest of his
friends. We'd made so many plans, but none of them ever
came true. Oh well, it's no use dreaming about the past,
for that's all it is, the past. There is no way to bring
it back or change it. All we can do is try to live with
it, no matter how bad it is, or how bad it gets.




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