argh

p|ss3d_oFF_bUt_tRy|ng 2 k33p da P|ss in.
2004-11-12 15:39:21 (UTC)

the month

This month, Ramadhan, is a month full of pure reflection
for me. Every year, something happens that somewhat
triggers or provoked me. For the last two days, i gained
extra realisation about life and death...

I've been tuning in to TV1 in some nite (or very very early
morning) at abt 2am and listen to the verses of the Qur'an
being read by the Imam at the Al- Haram. Lately, it was
about judgement day. Mainly It somewhat explains that those
who have fear for that day and if they have that sense of
urgency to do something about it will be rewarded with
paradise. And those who don't fear it is hell bound.

However, to me, it explains something else. Reading in
between the lines, i don't think that the book is trying to
instill fear in all of us muslims despite its great
emphasis, but it is actually trying to show what we humans
can achieve just by doing something simple. A sacrifice of
time that's even too simple or light to be called
sacrifice. With that, I realised now, that all my battles
on Earth to get a respectable pay and life, is far behind
the scope of the journey that God has put us to. He has
given us the freedom of choice, and yet, i chose the path
that leads to a dead end.

I once believed that the riches of life and the joy of
luxury living is just a fantasy. I was wrong. By making
such an assumption, I already put myself into the group of
unbelievers, those who have gone astray.

The joy of luxury, do exist. But it goes beyond life, it
belongs to paradise. And, opposing to my views, it's
achievable. Maybe none of us really belong in paradise, but
God has given us the chance. May seem impossible for most
of us sinners, but i mean God the Merciful has given us all
that we need to achieve paradise.

I mean just look at our lives at sch. All our lives, we try
to get thru' examinations, papers after papers. With an aim
to get to a particular course in some great university (if
we already have), we are willing to give in, to years and
years of studying. This is because we know that's it's
achievable. It's because we want it so so bad. We are
willing to do anything: give up time from family, forge
certs and even sacrifice our health.

God has given us the ability to desire. And what is the
length of time spent on ibadah compared to the time spent
on studying for A- levels, considering that time on Earth
is temporary and life after death is eternal?

And so the dream of paradise is not a fantasy, at least for
the believers. Non- believers, of course know that it's a
fantasy becos they know they belonged in Hell. And I was
one of them, until God has opened my eyes to what i already
have.

And now i know that if i want it so so bad, I have to do
something about it. Fear might play a role but my nafsu is
definately stronger. I want to know what wine tastes like
or how it feels like to have someone to wait on you all day.

This period of time i have on Earth is my chance, my one-
time chance, my only lifetime. I have to stop fighting with
myself to see the bigger picture.

However i do realise that the very thing that can make us
achieve this is also the very source of evil: nafsu.

To me now, life and death is not that different.

Death is just eternal life. And it's far more important.




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