Michele

My Life
2001-10-09 13:30:33 (UTC)

disappointment in men...

I've had a couple days that have been hard on me
emotionally. When I left Lynn Saturday night, I left with a
bad feeling, he seemed distant just a little. He didn't hold
my hand in the movie or put his arm around me like he did
the first time. The first time he seemed open and
affectionate. Holding my hand and looking at my hands. He
was just affectionate and made me feel comfortable. But this
time he didn't want to hold hands, didn't put his arm around
me. He just seemed different. He is one of those people who
knows everyone in town and he saw quite a few people, said
hello, but never introduced me. Well, I didn't think much of
it at the time because it's so new. When we got back to the
house, he wanted to see my family picture, then he invited
me in to see his pictures. And we sat and talked and then I
got ready to leave and I was just going to walk out but he
stopped me and kissed me and hugged me. So is he interested
or not. I don't know....
Then I get the email from him the next a.m. saying how much
he enjoyed seeing me and spending time with me but then he
goes into his quote by David Viscott about love, and I don't
know if he meant it like he cares, or he doesn't. And the
comment about his friend, who it never matured to a love
relationship or infatuation and how I remind him of her. Was
that a hint or what?
Well, I didn't respond to it because i'm too hurt right now,
i want to think on it, pray about it for awhile. Maybe
decide what I'm feeling.
But I'm terribly disappointed in this. I reallly like Lynn
and see so much in him. And I think back on how I think he's
been pushing me away from the beginning. He's afraid of me
or afraid of letting himself feel something.
Then I didn't hear from Paul all weekend, so I call him
monday a.m. and it was all him talking, blah, blah, blah,
blah, about work and him, him, him. He not ONCE asked about
me, how I am, what I'm doing, etc. I'm writing him off. I do
not want someone like that in my life.
And then I called Johnny about 3 times since Sunday, told
him I was having a bad day, would like to talk to him, and
then I see him online last night and say hi, and HE doesn't
even inquire about me. He starts with...I'm bored...I want
to see you and give you a big kiss and hug... I said, that's
all you have to say to me? And I was clear and said I called
you three times, told you I wanted to talk to you, that I
was upset and this is all you have to say? And he tells me,
well, I was out cutting wood so I don't freeze????
What is wrong with these guys, they don't hear me, or don't
care to.
On a cheery note, George called me yesterday and put a smile
on my face! And I also called Mark and we talked for about 1
hour.
I'm wondering if Lynn will even inquire if something is
wrong or if he'll just skip it, maybe he doesn't realize
that he's upset me? Should I be honest and tell him? Will he
wonder why I'm not answering his emails? Will he care?
I will pray about it and I will ask God to help me to know
who is worthy of me.