things running through my mind.
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2004-11-10 23:43:00 (UTC)

mY life id ten times better..

mY life id ten times better then ever before in my life. I
never thought i could get as close to a person as i did
with kevin. I seriously am so glad i have him. I hate how
at time i take things for grant it and i dont realize it
until im about to lose it. I never want to lose him but i
always have that bad feel in the bottom of me thats tellin
me relationships like this will never last and im just
puttin myself through all this to lose him and a part of me
along with it. Im afraid of that soo much, i dont know what
i would do if i lost him. He seriously is the best thing
that has happened to me recently. I can talk to him about
anything and i love just lying down with him we dont even
have to talk of do anything long as if im just with him i
am happy, its the best feeling to know you care about some
one and they care about you the same. I feel so comfortable
with him. When he tells how ricky thinks that we are so
prefect for eachother or any one for that matter it makes
me happy inside. Sometimes i feel that i dont give him my
all as much as he does cuz i still have that fear and i
dont exactly know how i try but i dont know how to explain
myself anymore or show him how i feel more even though its
probably really simple.

Right now whitney is like one of my bestfriends and shes
another thing that makes me so happy, i can be myself and
weird and louds and she doesnt care i dont ahve to try adn
act a certain way with her. Maybe we get along so well cuz
shes kinda like kevin and we get along so well. I hate how
the person that i love hanginout with is sisters with
kevin. Its hard cuz i dont know how to act when im with
both of them i dont kno if i should be with kevin or with
whitney and it makes things weird. Kevin gets up set
because he doesnt want our relationship turing into him
goin out with "one of whitneys friends" I dont want it that
way either but i was his first and idk its a weird
situation and i dont know how to act.

Whitney is the most fun person to be with we always act gay
and weird together its alot better then me just doing it by
myself. I feel like i can just talk to her but then i cant
call cuz i have kevin and i cant talk about relationships
because im with kevin and that would just be a lil wierd.
She reminds me of kim immature and mature at the times
needed and we can have fun doin nuthing and being gay
together. I love my friends so much and sometimes i look at
people and i wish i was their friend but i need to realize
that i have great friends. I cant lose my relationships
with them though i tend to forget at times who ppl are and
we fade away from eachother. Me and kristin use to be so
close and we always understood eachother but now i dont kno
what to think of her shes always with chris and seems so
depressed and cuz of a certain situation i havent talked to
her in over a month and i miss talking to her but obviously
she doesnt care. I dont understand how at times he is so
loving and godish but then she can treat ppl like how she
does i want my kristin back that i knew before and i could
tell her all this but i bet it wouldnt affect her and she
would just think im weird and that i need to stop wory
about her, but the thing is i do care i hate having someone
not talk to me and i hate having a person i use to know
just disappear.

bittersweetsymphony- the verve

Im happy, for once.