Up-start lawyer gets his balls crushed
more office politics. sorry, they say write what you know
and this is all i experience now-a-days. currently i'm
working on a litigation matter for the most senior
attorney of the whole firm (yeah nerve-racking). anyhow
this guy is pretty cool, really friendly, but also no-
nonsense whatsoever. you just flat out don't fuck around
with this man when he's working.
so it comes to figure that the upstart lawyer is bound to
cross paths with him sooner or later. let me tell you
about the upstart lawyer. he's 33, kinda short, blonde-
haired, fairly good-looking (yeah i admitted it), and the
biggest asshole alive. he talks down to every human being
around and considers himself to be the gift of the gods
since he's the youngest associate attornery at the firm.
let's call him tucker.
so i usually see tucker (thankfully) for just the few
brief minutes on the elevator. during this time he's
brushing his hair back and constantly adjusting himself in
the mirror image of the polished doors. he almost seems
pissed off when they open because he can't look at himself
so there i am traveling up to warren (the lead attorney)
with mr. douchebag feeling himself up. the door opens and
he quickly bolts out as he always does. he beats me to
the board room where all the documents are and starts
flaunting his shit like he's a fucking hooker. taking
credit for all the work the temps did as if he were a god
then came the ball crushing. see the temps had
accidentally thrown the privileged documents in the
recycling bin instead of shredding them (BIG problem). so
here comes the ensuing conversation:
w: so what did you do with the copies of the privileged
documents (he said this kind of off-handedly thinking they
were obviously shredded)
t: they're being recycled, no reason to waste papers, ya
know? (in his usual smug-ass tone)
w: WHAT!!! they have to be shredded or it compromises our
clients confidentiality agreement!!!
t: (stammering) but, but, the temps, i mean they're just
w: are you an idiot? they're still the SAME document
t: (highly offended) i'm not an idiot, i've been working
hard producing these litigation documents, and i'm not
going to take the fall for something the temps did wrong!
(almost crying now)
w: what's 36x36?
t: (silent for a second) 1296!
t: no, you see...
w: WRONG! only someone who would delegate responsiblities
then not take responsibility would be a big enough idiot
to answer such an inane question! get out of my sight!
during this whole procession, bonnie and i were filing
documetns like mad trying desperately to pretend that we
were deaf. tucker quickly high-tailed it out of there,
and i haven't seen him yet. now i really believe that
everyone gets shat on in a law firm. temps by paralegals,
paralegals by attorneys, junior attonreys by senior
attorneys and so forth. it's actually quite sad.