monique

Woolgathering
2004-11-08 20:47:15 (UTC)

Through the Fog

It was foggy all day today. Grey mist was everywhere and it
was cold. When I breathed out, the air came out as little
clouds of fog. I'm waiting for the sun to break through and
the wind to dissipate it.

Last Friday was the anniversary of Steven's death and I've
been thinking more about how difficult it is for me to let
go. I had nightmares several nights last week, waking up
screaming. I've talked to a couple of people about this.
One said I need to get to a place where I no longer worry
about forgetting him. I can keep his memory tucked away in
my heart and take it out whenever I want to. It doesn't
always have to be out there, exposed and raw. The other
asked me what would be the worse thing about not thinking
about him or even forgetting the anniversary of his death.
My answer was that there are so few alive who remember him.
But it wasn't as if I'd forget him forever; that couldn't
happen, was the reply. Yes, that's true. I need to allow
myself to forget him at times and not allow his memory to
consume me.




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