Mezzo Swede

A Toast to World Domination
2004-11-08 08:04:38 (UTC)

Frumpy Feelings & Schleppy Sentiments

OK, Samay, you win. Here you go, here is your very own,
very special SAMAY PAGE in this journal. I was delighted
today, to find a post from Samay, responding to an entry of
mine, where I lamented that my sugar consumption has
reached record highs. Usually Samay is just all about
picking on my spelling, or asking me to help him build his
army of insects for the purpose of diverse hostile take-
overs in South America.

On this crisp November evening after, again, consuming too
much sugar, I had seriously convinced myself that I was
completely and totally devoid of any and all attractive
physical qualities. Except maybe my hair. My hair was
behaving in a civilized manner for once. So after
ridiculously harsh scrutiny in the bathroom mirror,
spotlighted by THE most unflattering lights imaginable...I
stood, saddened by my apparent, yet fundamentally
irrational lack of beauty and fitness.

So, to ensure that there was no chance of my self-esteem
improving...I put on my frumpiest pair of sweat pants, my
lamest T-shirt ever, that reads "Winning isn't everything,
it's the only thing"...and I schlepped my sugar-addicted
excuse for a confident woman over to the computer. Where I
find a response from Samay. It reads...

"So you're eating too much sugar? Oh my god, are you
totally turning from a 10 to a 9.7? You're only super-hot
now as opposed to being totally hot? Oh my god, say it
ain't so, Ann, say it ain't so!"

I'm sorry, but that is one of the most hilarious, lamely
flattering notes ever. Samay may very well be a self-
proclaimed spelling wiz, hen he's really just a
NITPICKER...but today, he did make me feel a bit less
frumpy at a time when I really could use the pick-me-up. I
am awfully inspired at this time, not to let Samay down...I
must strive to maintain my ratings! Because if I surrender
to the evil spawn of sugar that lurks in absolutely
everything I consume...My scores will KEEP dropping, 9.7
will turn into 7.9...4.3...and eventually reach Tonya
Harding-esque lows...I seriously laughed my ass off, at the
mere fact that someone had typed out "Say it ain't so!"
That was my favorite part!





Ad: