Behind Closed Doors

Shattered Dreams
2004-11-06 22:40:59 (UTC)

Hate Every Beautiful Day

Well, tell wasnt to bad. Today when I got to class, There
were gift bags all over our tables. Jeri had given everyone
gift certificates and candy for helping with the
cheerleaders last night.

Last night the group had to to twists on 22 cheerleaders.
Every single one of them were rude and spoiled. They kept
wanting there hair redone and they all wanted Amber to do
there hair. We all wanted to kill them. Some of us didnt
get any tips that we deserved and some of us did a great
job, yet they complained that they didnt like there hair.


Today seemed a little better. I got a tip for shampooing
this old lady's hair. Jeri made everyone feel a bit more
confident by telling us how we did a great job and that
since school is different than a regular salon, it's
unpredictable. Jeri is a great teacher. I enjoy school
because of her. No other teacher has ever cared so much if
there students get an education. Jeri is so flexible with
every person and the way that they learn. She makes sure
that everyone can understand what she is trying to teach.
Her husband Joe is so funny. He likes Elvis :) He's a great
guy.

I'm thinking about moving back in with my mom...I miss
being there, yet I dont want to be stuck with my brother
and Chris always yelling at me and being mean to me. My
parents dont understand how much it stresses me out
everytime they yell at me. Everytime I know when my mom is
mad and I hear her voice, I get a panic attack. It stresses
me just listening to her yell at me. My heart starts better
really fast and I start to shake and get teary eyed. I just
cant handle it. It just sucks because I miss my posters and
my cats...I miss my cats so much. I cant have a cat her
because Dave has a dog. It sucks because I dont like dogs
that much. I miss Kiwi and most of all, I miss my little
brother...sigh.

I dont know why, but I am real depressed right now. I get
this way a lot. I guess I feel so lonely...I dont know why
I should be...I have Dave...but...I dont want Dave. I know
it's bad to say but the only reason I'm with Dave is
because I feel sorry for him...I dont want to hurt him. If
I leave Dave, he wont have anyone else...He'll be alone. I
dont want to see him hurt. I mean I wouldnt mind living
with him, if I had my own room and we were only friends. I
dont know. I dont know what to do anymore. I wish I could
just move out of here and have a place to go. I'm thinking
about doing a sham marriage....but with who? Even if I get
a sham marriage...What am I going to have for an apartment?
I have no money....

Anyway, I better go now. I'm hungry and I'm going to watch
some TV...Until next times depressing episode....




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