doing the routine once a week maintenace of shaving my
haphazrdly grown pseudo-beard, i noticed an anomaly that i
was not too thrilled about. there was a long black
tendril snaking out of my left nostril. make no mistake
about it, nick has a nose hair chillin on the brink of his
left nostril. my first inclination was to take my mach 3
turbo up in there and set things striaght. this quickly
turned into a mishap as the blade skinned my upper lip
leaving a thin trickle of blood.
so i stood there contemplating the little scoundrel so
coyly glancing out from underneath the safe confines of my
inner nostril. i then wondered how long it had been
there. was it there yesterday? has anyone noticed it?
should i just rip it out? yeah just rip it out. ok
1...2...oh my god it's already 6:45, train leaves in 6
minutes! 3! ow, good christ, is it fucking apoxyed in
there? ow, that hurt worse than the razor. am i
bleeding? good, no. damn it! 6:47. gotta run.
so there i am standing in front of the mechanized
entrances to the metro station. i noticed that they don't
really close after the person in front of you walked
through, i slyly wondered if i could make it without
scanning my ticket. i made a quick motion forward and
just as it looked like i was home free it slammed shut,
inches from my right thigh. boy that doesn't fuck
i turn around and have a sweaty ape in my way. a
monstrous silverback disguised in a heavy black suit and
oakleys. he was about inches away from my face his vile
breath and stinkin' teeth jutting at me.
"what the hell is the matter which yo? move fo'wad!"
good god, this ape could speak.
"it ah, closed on me. i have to rescan my ticket"
"no you don't i just scanned mine!"
i looked back and took note that, indeed, the gate had
opened again, and just as well was closing.
the silverback became livid.
"you owe me 1.35!!!!! and i'm fucking late cos of you"
at this point the security of the metro station decided to
"whatze prahblem heyah?"
"it didn't recognize my ticket and before i could use it
agian, this man was on top of me"
"i'm missing my traiinnnn!!!!" the ape shrieked flailing
his arms forgetting all anger in a desperate attempt to
get past me.
"okie dokie" the security guard put a pass on the scanner
and let us both through.
what a great way to get a free ride, of course you'd have
to pull the same shit on the way out. i love the metro.