malenky devotchka

Bella Morte
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2004-10-19 17:15:58 (UTC)

the skeptic tank

i have been sverely lacking in shades of black and gray.
that time is here, the infinate autumn the time when my
dreams hit high tide and the devil makes passes at little
boys in white pants. do converse count anymore? souls worn
thin, repressing anger towards the masses. he wrote, "we
are the all breathing all dancing shit of the universe" or
some shit like that. close enough. my hands hurt. my
fingers itch like they haven't been used in years. can i
swallow the moon? take it through my hair , my eyes, i'd
glow bright in the sollitude. i was alone today. really
alone. walking down a rainy street in hermosa beach. i was
crying for so many reasons not worth mentioning anymore. i
was waiting to bump into that person. you know the one.
the person that changes your life. and you don't realize
it until its happened. that person that suddenly inspires
you. that knocks you right on your ass and wakes you up
from the stunned state of not being into motion. guardian
of an infinate abyss. lost in the air where you've been
swimming for so long wondering how hard the ground really
is. what blood tastes like. you forget that you've fallen
before but that doesn't matter so much, just the thought
of being alive again. noit shutting down this time. not
crying like now. the hot tears competeing with the rain. i
walked down that street, againts the ocean breeze, against
the fear of getting lost, against the doubt and question
and reason i sailed past that. somehwere along the way i
bumped into me again. i guess i followed me home. i quess
guessing isn't so bad as everyone would like to make it
oout to be. i don't like being so sure of myself. like
clinging, clinging s okay too. it isn't always bad.
sometimes its romantic, sometimes its sentimental, its
natural the wya love is natural. the way jealousy is
natural. a lot of things aren't so bad as people would
like them to seem. a lot of people are far worse than
people would liekt hem to seem. but thats just it. they
are. i don't really care. i don't really care for raised
voices. protest silently. i don't really care for
infantismal rehabilitation when you know you're gonna
relapse anyway. don't try to fool me. i don't care for a
lot of music. i love tool. i love the feeling of rain, and
cold and the biting wind. the ocean. wet sand. the surf.
the water sloshing around in my holly shoes, cause i
didn't knwo i was going into the ocean. i just started
walking. walking just as easy as can be. by myself. up and
down these hilly streets. trying not to remember this
world without my best friend. trying to forget that one of
the closest people i love is at the other end of the
states in some state of depression like mine. i think i
followed me home that day. i think i followed me all the
way home hoping to bumo into someone who would change my
life. who would wake me up. who would knock me right on my
ass. just like that.

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