Timothy

Jack's Twisted Kingdom
2004-10-19 01:54:21 (UTC)

why

so. talk about weird. my boss and I, well, my immediate
boss, not the owner, and I have been having some interesting
conversations as of late, were she 15 years younger I think
we’d have been banging each other already. Talk about
fricken odd.

Oh well, at least she has some ethical & moral restraint or
she’d be hitting on me more than she is already, lol. Gods
know I don’t, but again, if she weren’t past the 32yo mark,
I’d be taking her out and having at it, regardless of the
consequences.

anyways, she’s of the opinion I am wasting my life, and my
potential isn’t being fulfilled.

who the fuck asked her? I sure as hell didn’t. Sigh, it’s
the same old story. Everyone thinks that. Teachers, friends,
family, everyone I meet think I’m not living up to what “i
could be”.

well, fuck you. maybe I don’t think I’m ready for that kind
of responsibility, go live your own pathetic life, stop
living vicariously through mine, stop having an opinion.
I’ll do as I please. fuck off already.

so, fine. I do crave opinions. I just. I don’t know.

so I don’t mean that. well. not entirely. I’ve just had it
with people thinking that about me. It’s been drilled into
my head since I was 7, ok. I GET IT ok??? I
under-fucking-stand that.

you just bore me to death is all. yeah, so what if I passed
the LCAT’s, and failed the MCATS by less than 20% without
study, so what if I got A ’s through out high school when I
showed up, and did the tests, so the fuck what. So I have
“potential”, so I have “gifts”.

what I don’t have, is what I want. and unless you can give
it to me, you’ve got no right to say anything about how my
life should be, or should go. your opinions mean nothing to me.

alright, they do mean something. more than they should and
that bothers me tremendously. All I want is understanding,
love, and trust. is that so much to ask for? I think not.

but what do I know right? sigh. I know, ok. I know all about
my potential, my complete lack of drive has all but killed
anything I could do with any means of whatever.

actually, thats a lie too. but thats another rant altogether.

why doesn’t anyone understand? Why don’t people get it? Why
do I feel so lost & bereft of feeling?

Methinks I protest too much.

sigh...